Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I'm back. Please read.

Yes, I'm back. I just need to get something off my mind real quick. 

It was your birthday yesterday. Although we agreed that I am not getting you any gift (because I splurged and got you an iPad mini for Christmas), I still went out of my way to make you feel special. I took you out to lunch and then walked with you to get cupcakes and spent the night over although it’s a school night for both of us. But in the morning, I decided to check your phone as it has become a habit of mine lately (security ad trust issues of mine). I knew there must have been some texting thread with your ex. And woah was I right! You miss him? You wanted to come over to his place? You tried several times to call him, but then stopped yourself? You wanted to cuddle? If I remember correctly, that was around the same time (early morning of Sunday January 27th) you left me a voice mail that night, at 2 in the morning, all drunk and lovie dovie. WHY!? I am not sure how I can put in words what I am feeling right now. So I am just going to stick with a three-letter word. I’m SAD. I don’t know how to face you about this. And I don’t know how to pretend like I’m okay and go on this week, heading to the weekend which is when I am throwing you a big birthday party with your friends. I wish I am a better actor. But then again… why act?

More on this story later. I promise you all to make time to update you about my life and about who exactly this boyfriend of mine is (+ his relationship with his ex). Please read and comment. I need your support again. Scratch that. I’ve always needed your support. I am sorry for leaving you abruptly for so long. But I am back now.



naturgesetz said...

First question is what commitments he has actually made to you.

If he's actually breaking them, then you can —

1.) break up with him, with or without explaining;

2.) tell him what you found and have a serious discussion about what it means for your relationship, then decide what you're going to do;

3.) try to maneuver him into telling you what's going on and discuss where the relationship is headed, then decide what you're going to do;

4.) discuss where the relationship is headed without any mention of what you found, and decide what you're going to do; or

5.) put up with it.

IMO, 2. is the most likely to produce a decision that is appropriate and that you can live with. It won't be easy to admit you snooped, and he'll probably take it badly (unless he wants out and this makes it easy for him). But ultimately, unless you can get this out in the open, it will always be there lurking in the background and undermining your confidence in him. When he knows that you know, he'll have to deal with it. If he really wants to have you as a bf, he'll behave better.

wayner said...

Hi Sam, so nice to hear from you. Other than bf drama it seems things are going well for you. It is a long boring winter around here for a retired guy and my motorcycle is waiting for Spring. Naturgesetz has good advice on your situation. I dunno, I am loathe to give specific advice on personal relationships cos it can back-fire. Some gay guys have an understanding for a more 'open' relationship and others do not.
-Do keep the focus on your education and don't let it be derailed by personal upsets cos bfs can come and go before you find that life partner. Hopefully you and your bf can work it out. - Wayne :)