Sunday, April 7, 2013

A letter to my boyfriend

I just wrote this letter now because I am really pissed at him. I am not sure if you will be able to make any sense of it, so if you have a ny question(s), just comment below. Thanks for reading! I obviously won't be sending it to him... so

You’re starting to take me for granted again. I am not secure in your pocket. My love for you is not unconditional. I have demands and needs that you need to fulfill. So many things annoy me that you do, but I ignore them for the sake of our love. But sometimes, it just gets too much. I am still not over the fact that you don’t want me to live with you for a short period this summer. After dating for two years, it’s shocking that you still cannot tolerate living with me, or should I say, hosting me for a brief period over the summer break (less than two months!). Also, we are not technically moving in together since 1) it’s a short period, 2) I will move out when it’s time for me to live in my future house, 3) I would help you pay your rent while you’re unemployed. Every person who hears that I am looking for a place to live in the summer laughs at me and questions our relationship. Some have even told me I need to start looking for a new boyfriend. It hurts. It hurts because I still cannot believe that I am not welcome to live with you over the summer. It really raises red flags for me. Also, I don’t feel like you’re in love with me. You love me, for sure. But you’re not in love with me. I deserve someone who wants to spend as much time with me as possible. Someone who doesn’t get bored of me. Someone who doesn’t try to avoid me. Someone who doesn’t sleep with me in bed as if I am a sibling or a platonic friend. Someone who doesn’t feel like kicking me out of his place every time I “get on his nerves.” I am not happy. I am not saying it’s your fault. And I am not saying it’s my fault either. Don’t try to make me feel bad because you think I’m trying to make you feel guilty on purpose. You are my boyfriend of two years. You can do better.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I'm back. Please read.

Yes, I'm back. I just need to get something off my mind real quick. 

It was your birthday yesterday. Although we agreed that I am not getting you any gift (because I splurged and got you an iPad mini for Christmas), I still went out of my way to make you feel special. I took you out to lunch and then walked with you to get cupcakes and spent the night over although it’s a school night for both of us. But in the morning, I decided to check your phone as it has become a habit of mine lately (security ad trust issues of mine). I knew there must have been some texting thread with your ex. And woah was I right! You miss him? You wanted to come over to his place? You tried several times to call him, but then stopped yourself? You wanted to cuddle? If I remember correctly, that was around the same time (early morning of Sunday January 27th) you left me a voice mail that night, at 2 in the morning, all drunk and lovie dovie. WHY!? I am not sure how I can put in words what I am feeling right now. So I am just going to stick with a three-letter word. I’m SAD. I don’t know how to face you about this. And I don’t know how to pretend like I’m okay and go on this week, heading to the weekend which is when I am throwing you a big birthday party with your friends. I wish I am a better actor. But then again… why act?

More on this story later. I promise you all to make time to update you about my life and about who exactly this boyfriend of mine is (+ his relationship with his ex). Please read and comment. I need your support again. Scratch that. I’ve always needed your support. I am sorry for leaving you abruptly for so long. But I am back now.