Friday, December 3, 2010

pain in the heart...

Hey...

I dunno what's wrong with me... There's so much sadness in my heart right now. I really need to get over David. Why is it so difficult? I've been listening to love songs like a silly boy all day long :(
and he's meant to be just my best friend! Why does it hurt so much? FML! I am a good catch; I'd be able to find someone to love me in due time, if I could wait long enough. It's his loss! Why am I not moving on? Ugh! Why is it soooo easy for him not to like me back the way I like him? Why is it so easy for him not to want me as badly as I want him? Why am I hurting? Why is it easy for him to tell me about how he wishes he could get it on with that guy I introduced him to? Why is he so hurtful? Why the pain? Why the heartbreak? Why am I so silly? Why can't I just move on?

Do I need a rebound guy?
I feel like being slutty and getting it on with random guys at a club or something... Ugh!

I have so much love to give... I am so desperate for romance right now!

PS: My roommate is gonna be away for the weekend so Imma have the room alone. I am thinking of going to some gay club and bringing some stranger(s) with me for the night(s)... I guess I just need to fool around in order to feel better or at least get myself to move on or something -_-

broken heart... burning tears,
Sam

14 comments:

naturgesetz said...

It's one of the unfortunate things about this world, that attraction isn't always mutual. You are in love with him; and he loves you as a friend. And you can't make him fall in love with you, any more than he can make the guy you introduced him to fall in love with him.

It's so painful. And knowing that some time or other it happens to most of us doesn't immediately make it better. But knowing that this is not unique should help you deal with it. And those of us who have lived through something similar can tell you that over time the pain does diminish.

From what I've heard,I don't think a rebound lover works well in most cases. Usually they turn out to be incompatible. And there are better ways to take your mind off your pain than sex with a stranger. Instead, try to give your time and attention to good things and important things. I occasionally say, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." To you I'd also say, "Don't do anything you wouldn't do."

Manu said...

don't do it sammy :( sex with strangers won't make it any easier

JP said...

I know exactly how you feel mate. I've gone through/am going through the same process and all I can say is that you'll probably hurt for a while but you'll get through it with time. Don't do anything you wouldn't normally do, your emotions are running high and that can get in the way of rational thinking.

Hang in there,

JP

Micky said...

Rather than do that - it'd be nice to have company and just be relaxed and friendly with someone. No commitment and you can go back to being miserable afterwards.

You need a friend with whom to spend some of the weekend. It would do you good to make the effort to look after them and be decent to them. You need to get some life between you and what's happened.

Raver4Life said...

A lot of people aren't going to agree with me on this point but this is just my personal experience.

I was in a relationship where I ended up feeling pretty down about myself on a regular basis- after two years I got the balls to break it off. I felt pretty shit about my self for a while afterwards- the kind of "If I cant make it work with him- who can I make it work with" self pitying kinda bullshit.

The one thing I found helped alot was one night stands. It sounds disgusting to a lot of people but it made me feel powerful and a lot more confident in myself and who I was. I made sure that the people I was sleeping with was only a 'sex' kind of thing. The 'getting what you want' thing can be a confidence boost.

The fact that I was always clear of my intentions meant there was no awkwardness afterwards- It was simply two people pleasing themselves and not having to answer to anyone else- not having to go out of your way to make an effort for someone who you were only planning to have sex with. It was all about me getting what I want for a change and being able to have some sort of control over how I was being made to feel.

Dont get me mistaken- I always practice safe sex and dont condone unsafe sex (regular checkups etc etc are a must) but sometimes a couple of one nights stands is all you need to start feeling better...

(... and cue the backlash...:P)

wayner said...

Hi Sammy. Damn, but love hurts sometimes and the love songs don't make it any easier! But you do need to remember that young guys are leery of the 'commitment' thing cos they want their space and freedom. Sometimes they will only go so far with the romance and will then pull back if they think it is getting too serious. You can keep on with the 'best friends' relationship for now and see what happens, cos guys can change their minds again. Relationships are sometimes like the old cliche 'reeling in a fish'; you need to give the line some slack sometimes to keep the line from breaking. But you are young and try not to get too hung up on one guy especially if it is a lost cause. (the crummy weather this time of year doesn't help the mood any either!)
-If you go clubbing make sure you look for guys around your own age and watch out for old lounge lizards lol. Of course, practice safe sex always. Lots of other gay guys at that university though so look there first. Focus on your courses and don't let your marks slide cos you have another 3 or 4 years left at university for relationships. bfn - Wayne (hugs)

Anonymous said...

it's okay to mourn the loss. the way to get over it is to go through it, not avoiding it, or diminishing it, or trying to crush it with a rebound lover.

simply pay attention to the loss, notice its ins and outs. what does it mean about you? what doesn't it mean? are you only what you have lost? or are you more than that? if you have love to give, do you really want to give it to a stranger? or do you want to pursue someone worth giving that love to?

B. said...

Okay, I'm bit late with my comment so I hope that everything is okay now...

But, look at the bright side, maybe it's better to feel heart-broken like this in the beginning than to have a relationship and than end it for stupid reasons... The heart hurts a lot more in the seconds case, so look at you like a lucky person. Sounds harsh, but it's a truth..

One day, you'll meet a nice, amazing, and the guy who deserves you cause you are really great person...

Just be strong and hold on...

Phunk Factor said...

Hey!!

I gave you an award....do check it out and post it on ur blog! :)

http://gophunkyourself.blogspot.com/2010/12/and-winners-are.html

Phunk Factor said...

When you don't get someone you want really badly, it sucks really bad....and it sucks even more, when he is openly flaunting some other guy in ur face!!

I'd suggest you to get someone whom you can be open to and pour everything out...and yes, it's time u start taking David as a friend and nothing more!!

Take care and hope things get better for u!!!

wayner said...

You haven't posted in quite a while Sam but I just want to wish you a happy and successful New Year! bfn - Wayne :)

Derric said...

Come on, I know its difficult to see him, but you need to understand its not gonna be easy if you dont talk to him also. Better be friends rather than having the awkwardness of onetime friends.

As for the current situation, got no other choice but suffer for a while and then move on. You will find a new person in your life.

Raver4Life said...

make with the bloggy bloggy already... I miss reading :(

tmddstett said...

have you given Jesus Christ a chance to work in your life?