Friday, November 19, 2010

Roommate issues


So since I haven't blogged in a while, I thought Imma be posting slowly by slowly about people that have been playing part in my college life and somehow affecting it - positively or negatively. Now Imma write about my roommate. So let's give him the name Mario. So Mario is gay (as I told ya before). He used to say he's bi at first but one time I sat him down and asked him if he would ever do a chick. He said "Hell no. Vaginas are disgusting!" So I made him admit he's gay and not bi. By the way he works at the college LGBTQ center and he's quite out and about.

When I traveled a few weeks back for that conference, he bunked the beds in our room without asking me first. That pissed me a lot. Now every time I mention the topic (i.e. finding a compromise or so) he says yeah yeah and changes the topic or leaves the room. I can no longer study on my bed coz of the little lighting it has and I keep hitting my head... (he took the top bed! Ugh!).

Anywayz, that's not the only thing he's done to piss me off, beside the fact that his friends come over to my room to pre-game almost every weekend and the fact that he once got soooo wasted and vomitted all over the room. 2 weeks ago, I found out from a good friend of mine (to whom I came out lately but told her to keep it a secret) that he's been outing to people without my permission. I GOT SOOOO ANGRY! So the story is that he's told his 3 close friends and also other people from my floor -- randomly. When I confronted him he did not show much caring and went like: "What's done now is done! There's nothing much you can do no, Sam! I'm  sorry... Get over it!" WHAT THE FUCK!!?!? He clearly cannot relate to my situation since we  come from different cultures and backgrounds and if being has been easy for him, it has been PAIN IN THE ASS for me (not the good type lol). All in all, he never really cared to find out more about my issues and why exactly I cannot be out. I really do not want my parents to find out because that's not something I plan on doing in this lifetime (facebook is dangerous + I have a cousin who goes to my same college). So I've talked with my RA (residential assistant) about this incident and she's lesbian by the way. She showed me her support and has communicated the issue with the other RA and the dorms' director (and they're both gay). We might end up having a mitigated discussion with my roommate and one of them (I cannot really talk with my roommate by himself because it hurts to talk with him and sense his careless attitude). Moreover, I am meeting with the dorms' director this afternoon -- he wanted to check on me and go through some possible solutions. Changing roommate might be one approach (because I can no longer trust my roommate and hence I do not feel very safe in my room).

Yesterday night, when I got back to my room, I found out that my roommate has left me cupcakes and a letter on my desk. In the letter he apologized again and talked about how it's been awkward between us lately. He said he hopes I can forgive him and that I do not lose trust in him. I texted him saying: it takes courage and enough caring to write that letter, which I really appreciate. There's so much going on my mind right now and I need time to think through things. Don't mind the awkwardness. Somehow, at the end of the day, everything would be alright. I really don't know how to feel about this whole issue and I don't know how to behave, react, etc....

That's it for now. I gotta run for class



naturgesetz said...

What an idiot your roommate is! It's unfortunate you chose to come out to him, although it should have been safe.

By all means have the conversation with him and the other RA.

I don't know if it's too late for damage control, but it's worth a try, if you can identify all the people he told. Maybe you could tell them all that he was lying. It would serve him right. LOL No. You shouldn't do that, but maybe you could impress on them that at this point in your life you feel the need to be in the closet, so please don't tell anybody else. Perhaps the RA could help with this. I hope you can avoid having this get back to your parents.

wayner said...

Sam, don't give up on your roomie. It was thoughtless of him to be outing you without your permission. (see if you can find a light for the back of your bed; actually the bottom bunk is more convenient) I dunno; people seem to have little discretion when it comes to sex, it's like they can hardly wait to blab to everyone, and yes he is probably ignorant of your situation and background. But the cupcake and letter were so sweet; he now realises his mistake and this is a good time to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart. There are always gay rumours around and you don't have to dignify any questions about it; your personal life is your business unless you volunteer it. Some gay guys think that 'outing' someone frees them but it can have the opposite effect if that person is not yet in a position for it. None of us are perfect and all of us can do thoughtless things, but do have a talk with him about how you want someone to confide in but confidentiality and trust is important. You might become very close friends. bfn - Wayne :)

Anonymous said...

Sam, your roommate is openly gay and shows it to everybody - right? He speaks about to any person he meets randomly, right? So, just imagine you're one of these (str8)guys - sorry, very difficult, I know, but just let's assume you hear from this gay guy that his roommate is gay too. How much would you give on this? How much would anybody (incl. your cousin eventually)give on this? If someone ask you whether it's true, just answer that your roommate is a dreamer. You will be trusted.

If you get the possibility to change the room: DO IT! This will underpin what I've just told you. And, maybe, new roommate is more exciting...

Raver4Life said...

Wow- Im sorry but your roommate sounds like a complete douche!! Yes the letter was nice but it should never have gotten to that point. Being gay himself he should be able to appreciate more than anyone how hard coming out can be for some people- yes he may not have had a problem doing it but being such an active member in the community he should know the effects it can have.

I think - unless you know for sure that someone in your dorm would react negatively the best thing would be to answer truthfully. It can be scary but I found that was the easiest thing for me to do. I had a similar thing happen to me and from that point on - every time Ive been asked Iv been truthful. You may find yourself surprised at the lack of negative reactions.

Also on top of the whole outting you thing he just sounds like a filthy mongrel- you should 'de-bunk' the beds when hes out one day and when he gets home just act like they were always that way lol.


B. said...

I understand you with your roomie, as I told you before, and what he did was really uncool thing to do, I can't believe... That's why I always told you to be careful to whom you say you're gay, it's a big deal.

I hate people who can't relate and try to understand other people, I simply hate that. And when they have a lot of predujides and stuff. And your roomie really looks like someone who can't understand other people. Maybe it's his fault, maybe it's only his personality to act like that, cause it's easy for him to be out and he think that it can be easy to you. But at the end, I like his reaction and good job resolving the problem... Hope everything is okay now...