Sunday, October 10, 2010

I MISSED YOU!

Hello everybody!

I missed you all - so much! FML I don't know how to put into words all that I feel. I would like to assure you all that I am doing great. College is treating me great. I already have my circle of close friends - we call ourselves a family. I have a few crushes, but I don't feel ready for anything serious at the moment - I am still kinda emotionally drained. I am not out nor in - I am just myself. I am sure my close friends suspect I am gay but no one asked me directly in the face yet (one actually did but that's when he was drunk so I said No) and I don't know how to react when they do. But I know they did talk behind my back once about whether I am gay or not lol and this didn't make me feel bad or anything. A girl friend asked my roomie if I am gay and he told her he doesn't know (coz that's what I asked him to say). They'll probably find out soon enough.

Besides, my classes are good. They're very demanding coz I am taking pre-med but I am hoping to develop the discipline of work ethics and not let shitload of work pile up. I've had two exams so far and I got 2 As (Human Bio + Chemistry). Besides, the campus is gorgeous! I love it, despite the fact that I have so much running around to do as I go from class to class. It's ok though... I'll have sexy legs and freshmen 15 hopefully won't affect me :)

My roommate and I get along well but he doesn't seem like the guy who would be there for me when I need a heart-to-heart convo. He used to say he's bisexual but we all know that he's plain gay. He's like very flamboyant and social but totally not my type (slightly fem, very skinny, baby looking, well he's good looking but not hot enough for me). He knows I am gay and we joke around and gossip but he doesn't show too much caring when I try to tell him deep stuff about me. But that's OK coz we're friendly with each other and all has been under control (except when he gets sooo drunk, which is not happening as often anymore).

I am getting in touch with my parents from time to time. They miss me so much... Surprisingly, I am not homesick at all :/ Yay! They say I don't talk to them enough but that's mainly coz of time difference and the very little time I ever get to spend online. I dunno... I've been cold with them ever since I started accepting myself and I don't know how to combat this.

I am wondering whether to come out fully... there are many factors that come to play when I think about it. I am seeing an LGBTQ counselor once a week to talk about my issues and I have joined a confidential gay discussion group that my counselor organizes - We meet once a week and talk about our lives.

I don't know what else to ramble about... You guys got any question?

Another reason for which I haven't posted in ages (beside how busy college is) is that I am thinking about not blogging anymore. It's been such a journey and I don't know how to thank you guys for all the support you've  provided me with. There are many reasons that have lead me to deciding not to blog anymore and I am happy to discuss them with you if you're interested. I feel like now I need to work on my in-person friendships and relationships. It's a new chapter in my life and I wanna try to build strong friendships that would last and bring me happiness. To blog or not to blog.... I am even thinking about starting a whole new blog if I get time... Bleh! I dunno what to do.


HUGS!!
Sam