Tuesday, July 6, 2010

what am I up to? and my Bi BFF


How are we all doing? I am so missing reading fellow bloggers but FML Mom keeps nagging every time she seems me online... aaah! I've been living on my own, sleeping whenever I feel like and doing whatever... for 2 years and now she wanna treat me like a baby!! bleh!

Anyhow I went to my GP yesterday coz I have some immunization forms to fill out for college. I also had some 3 vaccines to take but he could only give me one of them coz I'm sick - got the flu and just started antibiotics FML. My BFF in here (Sandra) invited me to the beach with her yesterday but I didn't go. I am really embarrassed with my body coz I'm kinda skinny and all guys my age have some muscles while I don't... and My sister invited me to go with her and her bf to the beach today but I also didn't go coz I'm sick and I cannot get into the water coz of my vaccination. I wish I could work out... I will do that in college if I get to develop that discipline. I NEED to be fit!

Besides lemme share with you a bit of background about Sandra. She's my BFF back home; the only high school friend I've really kept in touch with after moving abroad. She came out to me as Bi 2 months ago - on msn - and our friendship has grown much stronger ever since. I haven't REALLY come out to her yet but she clearly knows about me... Rainbow people attract each other, right? So I really wanna come to her but am scared coz I don't want my parents or extended family to know anything... I am not ready to deal with this. She made me meet up with two gay guy friends of hers last Saturday and we went altogether to this cafe to chill a little. She kept referring to all of us as G-people. I don't wanna come out as gay coz of many reasons I cannot really explain. Bleh! But I need people to confide in and support me while I'm here... Is it not much better to keep my home country gay-free from me? I have to meet up with Sandra for LONG convos and then I should share with her my worries and concerns... and then ask her to keep my sexual identity as TOP secret! Remember: My dad is the mayor of my home-town and so he would get a heart attack if rumors about his son being gay spread out... As many of you have advised me; I gotta keep a low profile in my home-country until I move out again. I am so excited to go to the US but am hating this feeling coz I feel like I can't wait to leave my family again... I am unfair to them! They love me so much and will miss me like hell...

Thanks for reading!



Anonymous said...

Geezz Sam.... She knows you're gay, but, you won't confirm it?? Man, you really are paranoid!! You know that I wouldn't tell you to come out to your parents right now, especially with you just starting college and their attitude about things... BUT, why don't you trust your friend to keep your secret??
Well. you're the man in the middle, and you really do need to be selfish about this and protect your interests- it would be a real kick in the ass to lose your tuition money for some loose tongues, I guess... tman<3
Play the game (sadly) and enjoy your summer the best you can!! I hope you get over the flu thing... I hope it wasn't brought on by all the stress!! luv, tman<3

Anonymous said...

Sam, sorry about the 'anonymous' comment-- google suddenly doesn't recognize me... hmmm... maybe I should come out to them!! lol luv, tman<3

wayner said...

Those damn flu bugs are around all year but you don't need antibiotics unless you have a tendency for pneumonia.
-Skinny bodies are great for swimming; you go through the water like a shark. A simple exercise routine is push-ups and sit-ups every other day and light jogging. Go easy at first and gradually progress as you get stronger. The key is never missing work-outs and you will find after a few weeks that it gets much easier and enjoyable. Remember the human body feels lazy until about ten or fifteen minutes of exercise gets it revved up. Swimming is excellent exercise.
-Yeah, girls have a tendency to gossip and I'm not too sure if your gf can keep a secret. They probably sense you could be gay so maybe you don't have to come right out and say it. I think you had better play it safe cos you will be off to university in a month or two. bfn - Wayne :)

Sam said...

hahaha.. thanks Tman for the support!

Roop said...

Hey, Sam, here you are saying you don't want to go to the beach 'cos you're embarrassed with your body, and everyone in the previous post is saying how great you look... Get thee to a gay beach, Sam! I command you! You will pull by the time the sun sets...

Sam said...

@ Wayne: Hmm... Imma try exercising this summer... and will definitely try working out at uni. I am so scared to confirm my sexual identity to my Bi BFF and her gay friends! :(

@ Roop: Thanks.. I know you're right. Thing is, just gay guys would like my body and I cannot access any gay beach in here! My previous bf and some other dudes I met have complimented me on my body... But str8 pple would hate on me!