Saturday, July 3, 2010

things are not the same - anymore


I woke up at noon today coz I haven't slept much in 3 days :/ It was ok... I finally changed my facebook profile picture. Mom kept saying thank you today and I didn't understand why until she said it's coz of that. haha... so she must be happy with me now? I bet NOT! haha
She says I have changed a lot. I barely came back and she notices how I changed... maybe it's coz I am kinda cold and don't agree with everything that she says now.... But I DO love you Mom!!! However, I don't think you would love me for who I am if you were to know everything about me...

PS: My Mom keeps yelling every time I spend so much time online... I know I have to bond with them after all the time I've been away... but I need to chat with my friends who love me and make me feel better...

Mom keeps saying that I love my friends more than my family.... How true is that?? I am wondering... aaaaaaaaaaah things are no longer the same. I hate myself for thinking that I cannot wait to leave home again and be myself abroad! :(

Oooooooh almost forgot! I got a haircut today! I chose the style - short.... a bit of a Mohawk... can be nicely gelled. Truth be told, I DO look better with short hair but whatever lol
The hairdresser was fucking expensive coz its a new one... and I tipped his assistant a lot of money coz he was very cute hehe. Mom kept nagging about how much tips I gave him lol FML



Phunk Factor said...

Okay...rule number 1...moms can NEVER hate their's unnatural....hell will freeze over before a mother hates her child...sure we all pinch their nerves at times and they do get mad about it...but moms can never hate!

U've been away fr a while...ur mom didn't get time to sit next to you and look at you while you two it's okay fr her to be a lil needy about u now tht ur here!

And moms will be moms...u can hav ur own children someday n she'll still criticize u abt stuff....cuz in her opinion that's if u can't stand the arguement..jst smile and nod...n wen she's not arnd...tip as mch as u want!

Hav a great summer!!

Micky said...

I loved my Mum (and to a much lesser extent I loved by brother and sister) but not in the same way that I loved my first boyfriend nor yet in a third way that I loved a large number of gay friends later on.

Love is not a single definition thing - and certainly almost everyone will admit that family love is a very different thing from 'love affair' love/marriage love.

But you might know, another blogger was asking whether purple was a 'gay' dress colour?

wayner said...

No problem here Sam; just the same family interaction that all teens get lol. When you are back with your family and they are supporting you, it is best to work around them. All sons and daughters get nagged about their clothes or hair or who they hang around with etc. Pick a slack time with nothing going on to do the online stuff so your parents feel they are not being ignored. Watch out for being baited into an argument (especially about sexuality). Keep things cool and calm, relax and enjoy your summer, and I'm sure there are other closeted gays around there so get your gadar out. If the parents put the heat on you about girlfriends then tell them that you want to enjoy your freedom. (it would be nice to have a girlfriend who knows you are gay so you are not stressed over it) bfn - Wayne :)

Billy said...

It must be hard for your Mom, losing her son. It was a risk, trusting you first to boarding school, and now to College in America.

I guess for her being gay is the epitome of western decadence, the symbol of all the fears she holds for you in the journey you are taking. She gave you the freedom to become to person you really are, and you are embracing that freedom. She senses that, and it makes her sad. She will blame herself.

Things will never be the same, any more. But make a big effort while you are there, for your mother's sake. It means hiding behind a façade, I know, but it is not for long. And then you are freeeee!!!

scottiestoybox said...

Hello Sam. It is normal for you and your parents to be drifting apart. You are after all becoming an adult. You are starting to see how you can and would order your life and your world. The natural tendency of the parent is to struggle to remain in control, to keep the control they had. How ever you must start to assert your self and your desires for your life. Failure to do so will commit you to being in their control the rest of your life. It need not be drastic, or done in anger. Just start saying what you will and will not give up for them, what you will accept as their rights and what you will with hold as yours.

The choices over who will control your life are totally in your hands. Welcome to adulthood.


Sam said...

Thank you all for your very precious advice!! love y'all so much!! <3