Friday, July 9, 2010

sorry... I am straight!


I am doing OK... all is under control (kinda). I went over to Sandra's place yesterday and stayed there for 5 hours. We simply spent the time chatting and catching up. She came out to me as Bi, online, a few months back and she's been suspecting I'm gay ever since. So yesterday I had to have a serious talk with her. I told her I am Bi... and that I've been exploring my sexuality for some time. I also told her about my previous idk-bf and she thinks he's handsome (I showed her a few pics of him). Besides, I asked her not to share what I told her with ANYONE! (not even her gay friends). So she promised to keep my secret for eternity. Now my summer is gonna be really boring - no meeting up with more gay friends, no partying in gay clubs and no exciting adventures. Moreover, I will always have to hide my true self and make sure I live under the radar. Many gay friends of Sandra have been adding me on facebook lately and chatting me up. One guy started hitting on me!! But I was like: "Sorry, I am straight". So I told Sandra that she should tell them all that I am straight but am very gay-friendly coz I have many rainbow friends abroad... I am hating the feeling of denying who I am...

Bleh... Helloooooooow Boredom haha! I think it's kinda OK... coz in life we gotta make sacrifices some times... for the better of all. I don't wanna let any rumors of my gayness spreading around. My parents would get a heart attack. By the way I am hating on my country sooooooooo much! I'll ramble more about that later.. But I really don't wanna live in here anymore. I can't wait to move out again. :(

tomorrow night is the birthday party of my sister's bf... it gotta be so much fun, I hope. Beach party, babeh! haha. My sis is going to his place tonight and asked me to come along but I won't go coz I'm not in a good mood. I'll have to go now and fix some gifts for her. She asked me to paint on two T-Shirts "I love my bf" and "I love my gf" for them to wear tomorrow...



Micky said...

Well of course!

I reckon most - nearly all of us - are bi. but there you are.

My brother once responded my question as to his sexual orientation - 'if it's warm and furry then fuck it!'

I do draw the line at dogs and, personally, I'm mostly gay so have a gay relationship. If I were mostly not gay then I'd have a not gay relationship!

But I guess what I'm saying is - live and let live and you screw who you want!

Anonymous said...

Sam... sorry that you have to hide like I did at your age.. I was hoping that things would be easier for you, but, I understand... At this point, it's all a trade-off. Get the education behind you, and paid for, if you feel like your family won't take it well... Then, I'd probably throw a big 'coming out' party!! But, that's down the road... Have fun at the party and take comfort in the fact that soon enough, you'll be starting college...luv, tman<3
p.s. something strange at this site... I am forced to comment anonymously... google won't authenticate my identity... go figure...

wayner said...

Most people are bad at keeping secrets and love to gossip, especially about sexual matters. Another gay guy might keep things in confidence cos he realizes the situations that closeted gays are in. The main thing is to keep things calm with your family cos you will be away again this fall. Don't feel guilty about keeping a long-term perspective on things. But don't hate your country; there are lots of gays there who are trying to change things for the better. I thought I heard on the news that in your country that gay marriage was made legal a few years ago (or maybe you are in a different country nearby) Anyway, it does suck to be forced into denying your sexuality but you must play for time. bfn - Wayne :)