Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My eyes hurt so much.. and my body aches everywhere. I couldn't sleep yesterday night. I was at first chatting with my cousin back home who told me that my aunt/Godmother [who has been in terminal stages of cancer] is extremely unwell and staying in intensive care... she was suffering so much... :(
Then I went to bed, with my mind full of sorrow, sadness and anger... I am angry at this life...
Today I called home to find my Mom at church with all my relatives and people of my hometown.
My aunt/Godmother has passed away at 3:00 am.
I couldn't stop crying on the phone... Mom did not want me to know about these bad news this early coz I have exams to worry about... But bad news travel fast.
I felt it... I knew it... my heart melt for it...
Mom made me speak on the phone to grandpa, grandma, and all my uncles and aunts. They all got to share my tears and listen to my trembling voice. Life is unfair... Life is unfair!!!
But I have to be strong. I cannot afford a breakdown at this time of the year. I am in the midst of very crucial exams. I have to continue studying for my papers... I am nowhere to be done... I have to remain strong!
But why do I need to remain strong? Why am I working hard? To go to college?? and then what???? Become further and further from home, family and beloved ones???
Life is not worth a single cent, without my family and loving people on my side... But I've left them all behind and went on to fulfill my greedy desires and materialistic needs!
I want to be home right now!!! It's so easy to give up on everything in this life!
I am so drained... my body hurts... everywhere
But I have to go to my books... I just came back from the exam room and I have exams to prepare for, coming tomorrow and the days after...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I've missed you!!
I am doing alright... nothing special besides having to study for my exams... I am still procrastinating though. My first exam is this Tuesday and then I have 3 others in the same week. Wish me luck!
A lot has been happening and am quite excited to move into college. I already started making friends from there via facebook... I can't wait for college to start.
Thanks a lot!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Do you think you will be able to concentrate on your studies in university with all the gay guys around? lol
Good Question, man!!!
I hope to... maybe we can study altogether ;)
I think so - yes...
Btw, I was talking about this same issue today with my life coach: "overcoming the guilt feelings and becoming absolutely confident and comfortable with my sexuality."
I think I am on the right track - hopefully this will strengthen my sexual drive coz I used to suppress those feelings when I was younger out of guilt and this has affected my well being a little... But I like to believe that I am getting there... :)
Hopefully lol (should I share what I am planning on studying? ask me then!)
Unless I find my rich prince charming... so who needs to work and worry about making monrey? lol
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Hope you're all doing well.
First, a few things to wrap up:
- Today are the elections in my hometown. I am confident my father will get most of the votes. Good luck Daddy, anyway!
- OMG! Mr. Neo just knocked on my door. He gave me my folder back with the banana on top of it. He had no facial expressions whatsoever... Ouch! "Thank you very much, Sir!!" is all I could say... :$
- By the way, Neo said I should come out to Mike (my best male friend). I know he'd be cool about it; especially that he probably suspects and has been pressurizing me to tell him about who is this person I am in love with and constantly chatting with.... I dunno if I'll do it. Maybe if something triggers it soon.
- I miss Charlie like hell!
- My younger sister and brother escaped from a huge car accident. A miracle must have happened. The car they were in is totally fucked up and they are feeling terrible... Thanks God for their survival! Mom starts crying every 5 minutes. Please pray for my siblings and their friends so they recover soon.
I should get focused and plan something out to meet my exams well prepared. I must be well organized... sleep earlier than usual and sleep well... then get plenty of study hours during the day and whatnot. So I might be slow on blogging and won't blog as constantly as before.
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