Tuesday, April 6, 2010

They can see love in my eyes :'(

Good day!

I think I can’t take this anymore. Since I came back to school and have been seeing my friends again, they’re all saying that something is wrong with me and that I look like I am in love or something.

Well, yes I am in LOVE! And I can’t help it. I’ve cried so much and can start crying right now if I want to.
I saw Mr. Tim (gay former teacher) and my Advisor yesterday and I couldn’t help it – I started crying in front of them and they directly understood what is going on. I hate the fact that they say it’s pretty normal and that I’ll get over it sooner or later. BUT I do NOT want to get over this guy! He is THE one, I feel…

They tell me: “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
I am trying so hard to keep reminding myself of this but it's so hard. I know I should not let the sadness take over my feelings and rather be happy because of all the great moments we cherished together. Love – what a bitter sweet.

Other friends say they could see in my eyes that someone is occupying my mind. Love could be seen in my tired wet eyes and I can’t hide it. What hurts me even more is them asking me: “Who is SHE?”, “What is HER name?” and “How does SHE look like?”
For Fuck’s sake! Mind your own business if you can’t bring me any help and leave me alone to cry and cry and cry!! (aww.. He loves this Justin Bieber's song -  I miss him terribly)

There’s too much in my heart but I am short of words…
But I am NOT heart broken coz the guy I love, likes me in return and misses me too…
So what am I? Am I simply upset and tired of this life and the way it makes my heart burn.
I want my love, my one and only, right now! :’(

I am listening to one of the songs he recorded and my eyes are starting to get wet so I have to wrap up this post and dive into my nostalgia.

Sam


5 comments:

jbieberinfo said...

I was doing a search for Justin Bieber info and came across your blog.

First of all, good for you for having the courage to be true to yourself.

Regarding your recent loss, I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to *grieve*. I wouldn't say, "Don't cry". I say, "Let the tears flow."

When you can't be with the guy you love, it hurts. It's a normal mental, emotional, and visceral reaction to feel sad; to grieve; and to honor the loss.

In my experience, trying to stuff down the hurt only prolongs it.

Yes, it's good to gain a mental perspective, e.g., "He's not the only fish in the sea" *and* at the same time allow yourself to grieve.

Hang in there.

jbi

Phunk Factor said...

You'll probably ban me for saying this...but mopping around ur place isn't going to help it!!

If there is someway you can contact him...then contact him!! U said ull be leaving the country fr good....and I'm guessing that he will be staying there! So why not hav the last few moments together tht cud make u smile?!

Call him up...or something!! N i really don't kno fr how long hav u known him...BUT if it's shorter than 6 months I guess it's abit over-the-top to say he's THE one!

Sorry if i hurt ur feelings!

tman said...

Hey Sam... What can I say?? Cry, it's OK.... Yes, this is bittersweet... Life just isn't fair, sometimes, but I guess that if you ask yourself whether meeting this guy was worth the pain, you'd say definitely... Too bad we can't just harvest the joy from love, and leave the pain to itself.... I think that this was a blessing for you... After your disappointment with Neo, this guy came into your as a kind of life preserver...

But, as you see, the great joy that you have found, is now tearing at your heart because of the distance between you and your lover. So, cry!! It's OK...And then, use your intellect (I have faith in you) to figure this out... If this love is true, it will be just as valid
the next time you manage to get together with your new love... It will endure the test of time...

I think that most of us have experienced this conundrum in one way, or another, and have lived to see a less difficult time... You will, too!! I will say a prayer that this love will make you a better person, and be of comfort to you!! luv, tman<3

wayner said...

Hi Sam. Sounds like you are doing some hurting. If this guy feels the same way about you, is there any way you guys can get together during your secondary education? I don't know what his situation is, but sometimes there are ways if you guys really want to be together. Sounds like you had a wonderful time together; I hate it when outside forces pull people apart. Talk to him and see where it goes and don't neglect your schoolwork so you can finish up strongly; maybe focusing on schoolwork will help you to feel better as time goes by. What you feel is perfectly normal and it does take time; but it has opened some doors for you. bfn - Wayne (hugs)

B. said...

OMG, I love that quote...

I didn't understand, did you broke up because of a distance or something... If it's like that, now I'm starting to undestand...

I would like to hug you so bad...

Just repeat that quote in your mind and enjoy all the beautiful moments you both experienced.... If he really loves you as you love him, it will be amazing, no matter the distance and all the opsticales...