I am chatting to Mom... and finalizing with her my college decision.
I just asked her if they are OK with paying the remaining fees for my college education because I know it's more than what they said they're comfortable with...So she was like, "of course we can because you are our everything..."
Then she said:
"We are ready to go into debts for you, Sam, to guarantee you the best education ever so that you achieve you ambitions and make all your dreams come true..."
That's too much to ask from them, bearing in mind that I have 3 other siblings who need to go to school and college and who also have huge expenses. My family is low to middle class!!!
I want to meet their expectations, make them proud of me and see them happy to see me...
But all this aint gonna happen!
Why am I not straight? Why? Why? Why???
So all I could say to Mom in return was:
"Thanks a lot. I hope I meet your expectations and make you proud."
"of course you will! Unless the USA swallows you and keep you away from us...and unless you change and become someone different from the Sam we know and love."
The USA WILL swallow me. I am not planning on coming back home to live there permanently any time soon. The society is just too conservative for my liking and I cannot live a fake life.
I have also changed! I change a lot, actually! I am not the same Sam they knew and loved!! I am gay, Bi, whatever I am... I am not the same Sam they raised, knew and loved...