Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I am feeling empty...


I have been feeling a bit empty lately - dunno how to explain it...

I had a boring day - went out to this company with my community service team to get ideas for our cancer awareness kit. I was so fucked up on the road. I get car sick easily and the bus driver was such an ass - He went through all bumps and drove fast.

I am very lazy too. I am not getting any work done. I have to start prepping for my finals though.
My Bio teacher asked me to help him tutor the other students because I was amongst the very few ones who performed excellently in the last mock exams (I got 4 A's on 5 of the Bio papers).
But I am so so lazy... I keep thinking of how much I cannot wait to leave high school and its stress and I also keep remembering the good time I had over the break. I miss my host family, my love, and his friends so much already. It's amazing how I got so attached to them. They're super cool though and I love them all.

I also have to start making up my mind about which US college to enroll at. Deadline is May 1st but I am not really thinking thoroughly about this. Gee! I am lacking excitement and being lazy.
(Please read my previous post, if you can help me decide which college to choose)

I am craving Peanut butter lately. It's not coz I really like it but rather because it's the only decent food I can eat at school. Meals at my school are always crappy so I never finish my plate and hence end up having to make a peanut butter sandwich (if I am not that lazy) in order to eliminate starvation.

PS: By empty, I don't mean that my stomach is empty (which is quite true) but rather some other organ of my body is empty - probably my heart or my brain (or  maybe even both). lol

Hope you're doing well and not feeling as empty as I am feeling.


wayner said...

Sam, you are anything but lazy!lol Start talking to some of the friends you have made at school. Get into some activities to occupy your mind and get out of that closed loop of self absorbtion. There are exciting opportunities ahead for your love life, its definitely not the end. Its normal to feel a little down after a big high, and it takes a while to level out again. Congratulations on your good marks too. Don't let those grades slip or I'll be pissed! bfn - Wayne (hugs)

tman said...

typical senioritis, compounded by a lovesick heart, Dr. Tman's official diagnosis... lol There seems to be a lot of that going around lately!! I have faith in you, Sam- you always manage to take care of business, when it counts!! It'll just take a few days to calm down and refocus...

I wish I could offer better advice on the finance front, but I don't know how much your status in the U.S. affects your potential student aid.... I would suggest sitting down with an expert, SOON; possibly a student counselor, that understands all the fine points... I DO know, that if you really want to attend a school, at least as a U.S. citizen, there are always ways to get financial aid or outright grants, to cover the deficit you are experiencing... You may have to be more creative, but don't give up!!! Contact the school you want to attend, as well- there are often dispensations available for the students that need that extra push...

Well, good luck, kid!! I hope you feel a little better today, and maybe even consider a little prayer for help thrown in for help (and for Good Friday, Bad, He can help you through both problems!! CYA , Sam ... luv, tman<3 hugs2!

Manu said...

I felt like that by the end of high shcool I felt soo sick of being there I stopped studying and I was kinda depressed. Now I miss it soooo much, it was great. SO try to enjoy your time there, you'll miss it someday :) (even the crappy food lol)