Sunday, April 25, 2010

Dad & Expectations

Happy Sunday!


So yesterday - Saturday was not that bad. I hung out with my best friends (Kevin and Mary, to whom I am out now) and we watched some movie bits. And I had decent food coz I ordered Pizza and hot chocolate. Today, there is a mall trip but I still don't know whether I am going or not. I cannot find a buddy to go with. fml. All my good friends are either not going or already signed up with someone else.

This coming week is my last week of class before the study leave. It’s amazing coz I’ve been waiting for this time for 19 years now yet it is right here but does not feel that special. My dad says that it is normal to lose interest in long-awaited things once they’re here because us, humans, always look forward and seek thought-to-be-unattainable things but once we own them, they lose their value and feel like they were easy targets. My dad is quite philosophical sometimes. This used to annoy me when I used to live at home but now I miss those talks so much!!!


By the way, my father is a highly esteemed figure in my hometown (politically-wise). I am not saying the title he holds for now. So people look up to him. He’s running for elections again this term around and I wish him all the luck. I am sure people will vote him back in because he is THE best. So when I am home, people call me by his title and expect me to one day take up his position. AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!
So yeah, this factor adds up to how difficult it is to ever come out to my dad, and ultimately to people in my hometown. I am Sam, son of my dad, the super achiever, the talented student who travels abroad for top education, the man who is gonna lead the town and probably the whole nation, one day, etc, etc, etc.

Way too much expectations are held upon my shoulders but I shall not stress about them for now. I try as much as possible to keep it real and take things one step at a time. For now, I just wanna graduate from high school, then move to college and enjoy myself.


Have a fabulous day!
Sam

8 comments:

B. said...

I know it's hard about coming out, but don't think about that now, when times comes, you'll know what to do...

First things first, take care of what can be done now before worrying too long over what might never be... :) (one book quote)

Wow... I should start blog with all the quotes from books... :D

Phunk Factor said...

I agree with B! Right now u need to concentrate on ur education! Cmng out to ur dad and possibly the whole town.....well, there's alot of time till that happens!

Like U said...high school and then clg! Enjoy! ;)

Old Midhurstian said...

Hey Sam
"From those who are given much, much is expected" That's a reference to intelligence and not wealth :)

You'll find that quote is very true but don't forget to be yourself along the way. I know that it's easy to resent these expectations, that's exactly what I did at your age, but in the end it's usually worth the effort.

Don't get too hung up on the whole coming out issue, the right moment will come and you'll do it. Don't force the issue, it could have very unpleasant consequences, again, I know.

Love
Mac

Micky said...

I'll have to join the chorus about making the most of study leave, Sam, and, while still enjoying your daily donut (or whatever is your chosen daily treat until after the exams) you must try to be single-minded about this.

Then, when that's done and dusted, I'm sure many of us will happily help all we can with thoughts about fully coming out.

tman said...

Hey Sam... What do they say about the journey being more rewarding than the destination??

It's an odd, but true, conundrum... We focus on our goals sometimes, at the expense of our own happiness, that's right in front of us, all the while... Even tho your time in high school is short, try to enjoy it for what it is... You're making a transition to a different , but similar stage in your life, and by the grace of God, it will be a better place for you!! I know, after exchanging ideas and philosophies with you, over the last year, that you have what it takes to find happiness for yourself and will make a wonderful partner for someone special.

Your Dad has found the balance in his life that he needs for his happiness... It's up to you to find that balance for yourself, and, as much as some people might want to live vicariously through you, it would be a big mistake for you to take on the 'mantle of expectations' for the sake of blood. Some of the most dysfunctional guys that I've ever known, have made that miscalculation, and have literally had shortened lives because of it. You self worth will ultimately be the most important thing for you- how you relate to the people in your life and how you feel about the path that you choose...

The worst thing for a man, is to look back on his life with regret... We are here for a very short time, Sam. Try to live your life without regret... And, remember, with God on your side, nobody can stand against you!! luv, tman<3

Sam said...

Thank you guys!
You rock!!

wayner said...

Hi Sam. Yeah, don't let anyone else plan your life for you, especially your parents. Btw here in Canada, we have had a few gay politicians elected to Members of Parliament so don't be too quick to rule out politics. And your sexuality is not the 'whole town's business' unless you are running for office. Your sexuality is your private business unless you volunteer it. But hey, the college years are coming up and that gives you lots of time to refine your outlook. bfn - Wayne :)

Daemon said...

Sam,

I can identify with you in your sentiments and thoughts here. My Father also, is a man of note politically and financially in the place of my birth and rearing and this often placed different burdens and expectations on my life.

The name I carry is his, but was given to me to live out in my own way.

While our paths may differ, I will always be my Father's son and nothing brings him more pride and joy than to see me find my OWN place in this world and bring honor to the title and name he bestowed upon me at my birth.

My heritage and position is shared by older brothers, so much of the onus of heredity will be deferred from my shoulders, but remember this...

We are defined by what we chose and do, not by the position and names that we hold in this world.

Thoughts are with you today as you seek happiness in yet another block of time. Cheers mate! It only gets better...

Daemon