Friday, April 30, 2010

I left my banana for him

Hola!

I am doing better...
These mood swings are normal but they hurt so much when they come.
Today was my last day of class. I am officially done with high school curriculum. Now I'll be on study leave for a few days. My finals (A-Levels) start on May 10th and last until June 10th. Imma get focused or else! I need to get those A grades. My mom did my deposit to my university in the US today so I am officially a college student :)

Anyway, Mr Neo (young gay teacher) asked me to see him today as finalize my college decision. So I met up with him over lunch break at his apartment. We talked about a lot of stuff such as how hard it's been for me at school (closeted and whatnot) and he also gave me advice about how to be at college, etc. I really love him; he's super caring.

FUNNY PART:
After I left his apartment to go to my next class, I realized that I have left at his place my folder with my banana (which was my dessert)... so yeah, I forgot to take all my stuff with me... and my banana ended up staying on top of my folder, on his desk...

I really hope he doesn't think I did this on purpose or so... I hope he does not think I am hinting at anything. That would be just embarrassing!! fml



I am going tomorrow with my Chinese teacher for a function with some Chinese professional and other businessmen also studying Mandarin so that we can get to practice speaking altogether, then Imma go to a fancy Chinese restaurant. I cannot wait. We're leaving early so Imma be in bed by midnight.

My dad's elections are this Sunday! Best of luck Daddy!!\

PS: ASK ME ANYTHING: http://www.formspring.me/SamHonest

Happy Weekend good people!
Sam

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Imma disappoint my parents :'(

(2nd post for today)

I am chatting to Mom... and finalizing with her my college decision.
I just asked her if they are OK with paying the remaining fees for my college education because I know it's more than what they said they're comfortable with...
So she was like, "of course we can because you are our everything..."

Then she said:
"We are ready to go into debts for you, Sam, to guarantee you the best education ever so that you achieve you ambitions and make all your dreams come true..."

That's too much to ask from them, bearing in mind that I have 3 other siblings who need to go to school and college and who also have huge expenses. My family is low to middle class!!!

I want to meet their expectations, make them proud of me and  see them happy to see me...
But all this aint gonna happen!
Why am I not straight? Why? Why? Why???
:'(

So all I could say to Mom in return was:
"Thanks a lot. I hope I meet your expectations and make you proud."

She said:
"of course you will! Unless the USA swallows you and keep you away from us...and unless you change and become someone different from the Sam we know and love."

The USA WILL swallow me. I am not planning on coming back home to live there permanently any time soon. The society is just too conservative for my liking and I cannot live a fake life. 
I have also changed! I change a lot, actually! I am not the same Sam they knew and loved!! I am gay, Bi, whatever I am... I am not the same Sam they raised, knew and loved...

:'(

Bleh! and announcements

Hello!

I am doing... OK I guess... still trying to get myself to focus despite all the happenstances in my life.
I still cannot figure out why exactly I am this lazy... well, it's normal for senior high schools students to go through senioritis but I feel like this has become a bit too much with me.
I feel like I've changed so much lately... and everything is happening so quickly that I often cannot really think deeply about some things or reflect on them. When I currently talk with some friends I feel like disparities are extending between us and I am no longer the same old Sam.

Have I grown? 
Have I matured? Does this even fall under maturity?
Have I changed? ...to the better or the worse?

Bleh! so much on my mind that it's so hard to put them into words.
Anyway, a few announcements:

1. I am still looking for ideas for my Mom's 50th Birthday surprise party. Any suggestions?

2. May 1st is in 2 days and I am about to make the decision of my life, college-wise. I think I have made my decision and I took into account both academics and social life. Your location votes on my poll were also taken into consideration. Voting is still possible on the right...

3. Since I am so out of words, I created a formspring for you to ask me anything:
You can either go to that link or just post your question from my blog (on the right)

4. Since I cannot put certain thigns into words, you can feel free to email me with things you would like me to blog about... ask anything and I reserve the right to post about it or...
so emails to: confusedyethonest@gmail.com

I think that's about it for now... Imma try to get some studying done tonight.
Btw, Neo (gay teacher) sent me an offline chat while I was in class, asking me to meet him at dinner to discuss my last college decision... He cares about me :)

Bestest,
Sam

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/SamHonest

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Mom's 50s

Good day!

I hope you're all doing well. My day has been OK.. I am still content with my life although nothing special is happening at this moment.

I keep having these intense phases of missing my love terribly... Why can't we just be together and lose track of time and space?

I miss you :(

Anyway, I am reaching out to you to help me get ideas for my Mom's 50th Birthday party.
My mom is turning 50 next month (which is a huge occasion) but I am away from home so I cannot really plan and prepare much. My dad and siblings are lazy so I gotta push them to prepare anything. My Mom means the world to me so I really want us to show her how much we love her.
Since dad and siblings would not do much on their own, Imma just keep in touch with my sisters back home and help them brainstorm ideas and arrange stuff...
We were thinking of organizing some dinner and invite all our relatives and my Mom's best friends.. but we need it to be a bit more special. What ideas do you have?
Any special gift to arrange or activities to do?

Thanks a lot for your help, in advance!

The lonely lover Sam

Monday, April 26, 2010

Nicholas Hoult is Hawt!


Heya!

I cannot stop thinking of how *HOT* Nicholas Hoult is...
Taylor Lautner has serious competition for me now lol

I was just thinking that I am a very bad gay guy. Can you imagine that I barely have a few photos of hot celebrities on my laptop?
How is this even possible?
No wonder I do not fantasize that often... hmmm...
I think Imma work on this. So from now on, I'll be working on finding out more cute/hot guys and Imma do my list of cutest/hottest celebs. It might take some time due to my busy school schedule so bear with me. I seriously need to fully switch to gay mode! lol

Here are a few pics of my hottie... It's so hard not to admire him.
Grrr....


Cheers, babeh! Imma drink ya! ;)

I wish I could be in your bed lol

Could one get any more adorable?

Time for miracles

Natural Capital, Investment, and Economic Growth
Heya!

I had a nice day today; watched the Clash of the Titans which was not that epic but not a total failure. At least there were cute guys starring in it which made me keep paying attention to the screen. OMG! Nicholas Hoult is so damn hot. Very Yummy…
Anyway, I was just listening to Adam Lambert’s song “Time for Miracles” (yeah, I am still obsessed with him) and realized that its lyrics totally depict what I would have loved to say to my love right now. I hope he knows the following:


It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile

Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
'Cause I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
'Cause I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
'Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

I just wanna be with you
'Cause living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes

The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
'Cause I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
'Cause I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
'Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

Baby can you feel it (feel it)
You know I can hear it (hear it)
So can you feel me feel you....




Yeah, I am still madly in love with him...

Have a great week!
Sam

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Dad & Expectations

Happy Sunday!


So yesterday - Saturday was not that bad. I hung out with my best friends (Kevin and Mary, to whom I am out now) and we watched some movie bits. And I had decent food coz I ordered Pizza and hot chocolate. Today, there is a mall trip but I still don't know whether I am going or not. I cannot find a buddy to go with. fml. All my good friends are either not going or already signed up with someone else.

This coming week is my last week of class before the study leave. It’s amazing coz I’ve been waiting for this time for 19 years now yet it is right here but does not feel that special. My dad says that it is normal to lose interest in long-awaited things once they’re here because us, humans, always look forward and seek thought-to-be-unattainable things but once we own them, they lose their value and feel like they were easy targets. My dad is quite philosophical sometimes. This used to annoy me when I used to live at home but now I miss those talks so much!!!


By the way, my father is a highly esteemed figure in my hometown (politically-wise). I am not saying the title he holds for now. So people look up to him. He’s running for elections again this term around and I wish him all the luck. I am sure people will vote him back in because he is THE best. So when I am home, people call me by his title and expect me to one day take up his position. AINT GONNA HAPPEN!!
So yeah, this factor adds up to how difficult it is to ever come out to my dad, and ultimately to people in my hometown. I am Sam, son of my dad, the super achiever, the talented student who travels abroad for top education, the man who is gonna lead the town and probably the whole nation, one day, etc, etc, etc.

Way too much expectations are held upon my shoulders but I shall not stress about them for now. I try as much as possible to keep it real and take things one step at a time. For now, I just wanna graduate from high school, then move to college and enjoy myself.


Have a fabulous day!
Sam

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Boyfriend & Desolation


Happy Weekend to all!

So what are my plans for the weekend?
NOTHING… for now
I have to catch up on some sleep and study! I have two research papers; one due on Wednesday and another on Friday. I haven’t started with any one of them yet. Could you help me with research? :P
I might go to the mall tomorrow if Mary and Kevin go along… I still have to ask them.

It’s Saturday morning. I just wanna make myself get some studying going on and then I am watching ‘Milk’ on my own in the evening. Tissue papers will be next to me in case of an emotional break down lol. I always feel VERY lonely on Saturday nights coz all students at my school hang out with their boyfriend/girlfriend and annoy the hell out of me lol. I prefer staying on my own in my room…
I so wish I can have a boyfriend. It’s not like I am a sex maniac or so. I am more into the emotional connection rather than the physical attraction. I just wanna feel a bf’s warmth as he stands by my side, his breath in the air surrounding me, his hands touching my cold body, his ears listening to what I have in mind, his company in my loneliest times, his smile to light up my sadness, and his care when I am in need… How long should I wait?

Enjoy your weekend guys and thanks for reading!
Sam

Thursday, April 22, 2010

homophobic men have repressed homosexual desires

Heya!

I think my yesterday's post was "waaaaaaaay too much excitement" so I hope this positivity lasts for a while...

So... I am still thinking of what college to enroll at. I kinda know which one already coz of my gut feeling but I just wanna make sure I make a well informed decision. Amongst many factors I am looking at, I wanna make sure both campus and surrounding area are gay-friendly and open minded… Hence my desire to go to a big city.

I was doing some research about homophobic schools and then stumbled upon studies about homophobia suggesting that most homophobic men have repressed homosexual desires. Quite interesting…

I dunno what’s wrong with me. I have been in touch with many students from my prospective college(s) and I am coming out to them when they ask me what are my expectations for social life/dating/etc. in college. Geez! I am so obsessed. But I mean, I have to be honest with them so they tell me whether I’d be a good fit and enjoy the campus life.

Anyway, I am not getting enough free time in the days for my personal studying. I am always either in class or on my laptop, emailing people about college and keeping in touch with others. I think I should take a break from online interactions. FML. I am so addicted.

I have to go for a school seminar now and then come back to my room and TRY to study. I have so much work to do…

Take Care,
Sam

I am THE Happiest man on Earth

Hey Guys!

I am so full of positivity right now.
I am ✫THE✫ Happiest Man on Earth... 
I have been longing to write this post for some time now but I was waiting for something to happen and it finally happened today... I am so excited!!! 

So I talked to my life coach last week and she made me realize how many great milestones I have achieved thus far - all on my own - (since I last talked to her, which was like a year ago). So here we go:

  • I overcame homesickness
  • I got admitted into top US schools
  • I gave up on fake friendships
  • I became more self confident
  • I made good/real friendships (Mary, Mike, Kevin, etc.)
  • I can tell NO to people when need be
  • I found out the true reason of my happiness - sexual identity
  • I faced my sexual identity challenge
  • I sought knowledge about my sexual identity
  • I am consciously trying to accept myself
  • I got an emotional and sexual experience with a guy - a very *special* guy
  • I am in love with someone who cares about me reciprocally


I am also quite happy coz I have too many great things to look forward to:

  • 44 days till graduation from high school
  • 49 days till I write my very last high school exam - finals
  • 53 days till I leave my boarding school for good.
  • 54 days till I hopefully meet up with the love of my life
  • 71 days till I am back in my home country and with my lovely family
  • Summer break... and then US College, babeh!

Anyway, my life seems so gay - I mean happy - when I write down all these exciting things down... so I cannot complain much. Oh No, I can! I actually am very sleepy and tired - I am not having enough sleep I guess; I will try to catch up on the weekend...
Anyway:
I had my Chinese oral exam (official exam) yesterday and it went well. Today, Mary made me come out to our good friend Kevin. hmmm.. I was not quite ready but just did it coz I knew it would be OK. He is also questioning his sexuality but his situation is a bit weird though. I'll tell you more about this later coz we three (Mary, Kevin and I) still did not have long conversations about the matter. But thus far, as we talk I am realizing how much info I know and I guess I can help Kevin out in discovering himself - Thanks to Blog World and to all my online friends.


PS: Congratulations to Joshua for successfully coming out to his Mommy. I am so proud of you, buddy!
PS: I miss some online friends so terribly and wish I had more time to keep in touch with them all.

Oh, about my laziness... It is still there but I am working on destroying it. I aint giving up!

How do you guys like me when I am positive? lol
I really hope I did not come across intimidating in this post.... I am just a lil excited about a confirmation I just had today...

I love you guys!
Keep up the SMILE!!! :)
Sam

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I have Rihanna's hairstyle??

Heya!

Ok , this is totally random lol  Excuse my stupidity!!
So I was watching some online video and just realized that in as much as I was trying to  imitate Adam Lambert in my latest haircut, I kinda have ended up with something that looks more like what mess Rihanna has made out of her hair.
So yeah, I kinda look this: FML!!! :(




(The hair in my front is not THAT long.. yet)


By the way, I have no clue what's going wrong with Rihanna lately.. This girl has gone real bad for some time, now. Check this:

PLEASE READ!

Hello!

I am not sure if this will work with time difference but anyway. Imma try...
One of my very good online friends, Joshua from my mortal dream is about to come out to his Mom.
Please, if you follow him and know how cool and caring he is, visit his blog and comment on his last post.
PLEAAAAAAAAASE!
Give him advice, wish him well, etc.


THANKS A LOT!
I'll always owe you...

Sam

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Designer Babies with 3 Genetic Parents

Happy Sunday!

I just thought that from now on, when there’s not much to say, I will be posting stuff I find interesting. Basically, I might be posting jokes, scientific findings, interesting news, stories, morals, etc.
I am not sure if that would be something of interest to you, so please feel free to comment or email me for anything...
So here’s an exciting scientific finding for today:



You can read more about this if you click here


By the way, my day is boring. I just came back from an hour-long shower lol... yeah, right! ;)
Imma start preparing for my Chinese oral exam now (it's on Tuesday) and 'try' to do some assignments.

Bestest,
Sam

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I suck!


Good day Good people!

What’s up? Why don’t you answer me when I am asking you “How are you guys doing?” lol
Anyway, I am having a horrendous time – school wise. I am still the laziest person on earth, or at least at my school. I cannot remember being this lazy at any time in my life before now. Senioritis is a killer! FML!
I haven’t opened a single text book since last term. I am always on my laptop, chatting to friends/family and researching about my universities. I am still confused about which college to enrol at although I have narrowed my list down to 3-4 schools now. Please see my poll on the right and vote for which city you see me fitting best in. I am more into Washington D.C. at the moment (better GLBT life and more fun stuff to do off-campus) although the school in Ithaca - New York - gave me the best financial aid package and it’s a top school. But money is not much of an issue, I guess coz I am working on a sponsorship from back-home.
Do you think I can survive in Ithaca? Is it not too cold/grey and boring?

Here is my schedule for today:

08:20 am: Wake up in a rush, miss both breakfast and shower
08:30 am: Run for the school assembly
09:30 am: Go for 3 hours of Chinese class
12:30 am: Lunch time – crappy school food
01:00 pm: School assembly
01:30 pm: Board meeting for my Community Service project
04:00 pm: Receive call from one of my top universities
05:00 pm: Dinner – crappier school food
06:00 pm: competition/games between boys’ halls
10:00 pm: socialize with some school friends
11:00 pm: ONLINE time – Mom wants to chat to me too


FML! I didn’t realize I am booked for the whole day; I have no time to shower apparently. I hope I don’t stink.
Sh!t, when am I gonna study? FML
Ok, I’ll postpone my attempt to study for tomorrow…

Have a lovely weekend,
Sam

Friday, April 16, 2010

Is a guy bi or gay If he finds another guy cute/handsome?

Hell Yes!                          12% (4 votes)

Very likely..                      20% (7 votes)

dont know/dont think so   12% (4 votes)

Not necessarily...              56% (19 votes)


(I just remembered that I have forgotten to publish the results of this poll)


Best,
Sam

Monday, April 12, 2010

coming out extravaganza


Wohh!

Lots been happening
Thanks to all those who have emailed me since I’ve been down. I appreciate all your love and care. I’m feeling a lil better
I keep telling my friends (those who know I blog but don’t have my link) about how supportive the blog community is. You guys RoCk!

Anyhow, the internet has been down at school which sucks Big time. It’s back now, but still has issues and working consistently. I am trying to become less lazy because I have shit loads of school work to do beside my revision for finals (an accumulation of a 2-year curriculum).

I came out to my college counselor on Friday. It was so smooth and natural. I had to discuss with her my college choices and preferences. So I had to tell her that I want my college campus to be liberal and the nearby are to be gay-friendly. And she was very understanding. After our meeting, I sent her an email to say thanks so she said I can always be open with her and that I am amazing and we are going to be friends for a long time, beyond the school.  Yay!

 I also came out to Neo. It was on Sunday that we agreed to meet and discuss my college decision. He invited me to his flat for some coffee and we went talking. So I also told him I need a liberal campus and then discussion lead me to coming out to him.  We drifted a little from college and talked a about my confusion. He asked me why I felt free to come out to him. So I said: “I just felt you would be a good person to discuss this with…” He kinda got my point and came out to me in return. He also thanked me for trusting him. He took my phone number and said I can always come chat with him when need be. He gave me Adam Lambert's full album!! Yay me! I think it's a gay thing lol (I cannot get enough of his music!)

OK, so I am out to… lemme count…  5 people (beside my online friends + the love of my life and his friends).

  1. Mr. Tim (gay former teacher);
  2. My advisor Gary (also gay);
  3. Neo (also gay);
  4. My College Counselor;
  5. My best friend Mary (straight.. very slightly bi)


Yay!! They’re all super supportive.
Wait… That’s because most of them are not straight hehe.
Shit! I should not be that excited lol When I come out to more people (straight, especially), I’d then start having the REAL troubles! fml

Life is good though. What the fuck?! haha

PS: I was so impatient for today to come coz I was waiting for something to happen and that would have made me the happiest man on earth but now I have to wait more to confirm the outcome. Wish me luck, please! (I know I am confusing you, sorry!)

FYI: I am missing someone special, terribly. Mwah Mwah Mwah!


Anyway, How are you guys doing?
Sam

Thursday, April 8, 2010

F my life - I am seeing a life coach

Hell-O

How are you all doing?
Hope life is happier on your sides.
Well, I have all the reason to be happy actually but I am not.
Please, excuse me for being quite emo lately... I am really OK though. I am not committing suicide any soon lol (I am joking!)

Anyway, I am still very lazy and not being able to get any school work done. fml. I hope this changes soon coz I really have to start prepping for my official finals.

I am seeing my life coach this Saturday (hopefully). I haven't seen her since last year coz she was on maternity leave. Back then, I used to discuss with her my homesickness and issues with friendships and self esteem. I only once mentioned to her that I think I might be gay but then she did not believe I am coz I did not give her valid reasons...
Now, loads of things have changed. She'd be shocked lol. I think I will ask her to help me with self acceptance issues.

I think I am bringing my love (the guy I met over the break) a hard time by being kinda childish. I love him so much - I know that for sure - but I have mixed feelings of low self esteem and sh!t like that. Plus, I miss him so much. He made the highlights of my life when I was with him. But I have to accept the fact that it's not possible to have big hopes for us. I know for sure that when I get a career and make money I'd visit him. He's a great friend (before being my first love) and I cannot afford losing his friendship.

I was chatting to Mom tonight and she was telling me about how proud of me she and my father are. She told me that I always made them proud - since nursery school lol. So I asked her if they'd ever be embarrassed at me (I was thinking about when I come out to them) so she said yes, if I ever make them lose their trust and confidence in me. I am sure they'd be embarrassed of me if I ever come out to them. So I won't do that any soon, or rather never ever.

Take care of yourselves, my friends....

Best,
Sam

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I am feeling empty...

Hey!

I have been feeling a bit empty lately - dunno how to explain it...


I had a boring day - went out to this company with my community service team to get ideas for our cancer awareness kit. I was so fucked up on the road. I get car sick easily and the bus driver was such an ass - He went through all bumps and drove fast.

I am very lazy too. I am not getting any work done. I have to start prepping for my finals though.
My Bio teacher asked me to help him tutor the other students because I was amongst the very few ones who performed excellently in the last mock exams (I got 4 A's on 5 of the Bio papers).
But I am so so lazy... I keep thinking of how much I cannot wait to leave high school and its stress and I also keep remembering the good time I had over the break. I miss my host family, my love, and his friends so much already. It's amazing how I got so attached to them. They're super cool though and I love them all.

I also have to start making up my mind about which US college to enroll at. Deadline is May 1st but I am not really thinking thoroughly about this. Gee! I am lacking excitement and being lazy.
(Please read my previous post, if you can help me decide which college to choose)


Random:
I am craving Peanut butter lately. It's not coz I really like it but rather because it's the only decent food I can eat at school. Meals at my school are always crappy so I never finish my plate and hence end up having to make a peanut butter sandwich (if I am not that lazy) in order to eliminate starvation.


PS: By empty, I don't mean that my stomach is empty (which is quite true) but rather some other organ of my body is empty - probably my heart or my brain (or  maybe even both). lol


Hope you're doing well and not feeling as empty as I am feeling.
Sam

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

College Updates + I need to focus + I need your help

Heya!

I want to update you about my academic life in general.
So here we go.

Regarding US colleges and Universities:
I got admitted into 7 schools (most of them are quite competitive)
I got waitlisted at 3 schools
I only got one rejection.

So if you're knowledgeable about US schools, please let me know so I email you the list and ask you for advice. I need to make up my mind by May 1 about which one I am enrolling it and I am super confused.

PS: Regarding financial aid, most schools gave me really good packages but still my parents' contribution is not something they can afford. But I am confident I'll work something out. Any ideas about who can I contact for sponsorship??


Besides that, this is my LAST term in high school (wow, it feels so good to shout this out). But I still have to work hard and FOCUS! I have predicted A's to meet for my A-Levels (official examinations in May-June). I am so lazy though and senioritis is kicking in. I think I should make like a schedule and stick to it and should definitely stop procrastinating and wasting time online (quite a bad habit).

By the way, I'll be having classes all week days (8 till 3:30) and then extra/revision classes after dinner for like an hour. Then, I'd have to study on my own for some additional hours. I also have revision classes on Saturdays. So Fuck my life -- things won't be fun at all!

I cannot wait for all this high school sh!t to be over. I am ready for college and life.
Oh no, I am not! I am feeling a bit down at the moment... so I should work on my happiness.
Gee! I only need to remember the great time I had during the last holiday and smile (I am trying to have positivity and so I should be happy it happened and not cry it's over). I can make it!!! (hopefully... bleh!)

Hope you're all doing well and thanks for all those who have been commenting and emailing me lately. It's been quite helpful, thanks!

Sam

They can see love in my eyes :'(

Good day!

I think I can’t take this anymore. Since I came back to school and have been seeing my friends again, they’re all saying that something is wrong with me and that I look like I am in love or something.

Well, yes I am in LOVE! And I can’t help it. I’ve cried so much and can start crying right now if I want to.
I saw Mr. Tim (gay former teacher) and my Advisor yesterday and I couldn’t help it – I started crying in front of them and they directly understood what is going on. I hate the fact that they say it’s pretty normal and that I’ll get over it sooner or later. BUT I do NOT want to get over this guy! He is THE one, I feel…

They tell me: “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
I am trying so hard to keep reminding myself of this but it's so hard. I know I should not let the sadness take over my feelings and rather be happy because of all the great moments we cherished together. Love – what a bitter sweet.

Other friends say they could see in my eyes that someone is occupying my mind. Love could be seen in my tired wet eyes and I can’t hide it. What hurts me even more is them asking me: “Who is SHE?”, “What is HER name?” and “How does SHE look like?”
For Fuck’s sake! Mind your own business if you can’t bring me any help and leave me alone to cry and cry and cry!! (aww.. He loves this Justin Bieber's song -  I miss him terribly)

There’s too much in my heart but I am short of words…
But I am NOT heart broken coz the guy I love, likes me in return and misses me too…
So what am I? Am I simply upset and tired of this life and the way it makes my heart burn.
I want my love, my one and only, right now! :’(

I am listening to one of the songs he recorded and my eyes are starting to get wet so I have to wrap up this post and dive into my nostalgia.

Sam


Monday, April 5, 2010

The Love of my life... I miss you already!


Hello...

PS: Post written directly after coming back from airport to campus

OK - I am crying at the moment. I am crying like a baby that was severely detached from his mother. I just got back to my school campus after a fantastic holiday trip.
I am in Love with the most amazing guy I have ever met. He is the son of the host family I stayed with (during the holiday) and you cannot imagine how much I love him. I never loved like this before and hopefully won’t. I miss him so badly, already. It's like a few hours that we've been apart but I miss him terribly.

Gee! I can't stop crying. I promised him to be strong and have faith in the fact that we will meet again, hopefully soon, so I'll try to contain myself but it's so freaking hard.
He means the world to me. I felt like the happiest man on earth when I was with him and he made me realize how lovely life could be. He made me love myself the way I am. He made me realize that life could be a happy one after all. He’s so amazing: loving, caring, smart, funny, cute, fun, intellectual… and the list goes on.

I love him and I miss him already…. Please God, let us meet again, soon!

Sam



Saturday, April 3, 2010

a Quickie

Heya!!

I just wanna drop a quick line and say Hi to all...

I am three things:

1) I am living THE life
2) I have butterflies in my tummy...
3) I don't wanna come back to school nor leave the place I am at, right now (>-<)

PS: I just had a quickie ;)

CHARLIE I MISS YOU!!

Happy Easter and welcome to Bi-Alan! :)

Sam