(second post for today)
I spent the whole day online, reading other people’s blogs and catching up on blogland lol
It was fun yet lonely – I am feeling so lonely these days and still cannot find anything much to smile about or be happy
I am loving this blogland but it sucks coz it requires a lot of time – which I happily spend – but my school barely gives me any free time to keep up with the blogging. I do not want to run selfish by only posting about me and not catching up on fellow bloggers. I don’t know if you understand what I mean…
I talked to Mom this morning and she gave me some bad news – my aunt (she’s super sweet and lovely) has gotten cancer back and has been redoing chemotherapy for some time now. She did radiotherapy last week and now lost ALL her hair again (she lost it like 8 years ago, then got cured). The doctor says she’d survive for a few months. But she’s super religious and miracles have been happening to her… I really pray that God gives her health and takes away all her pain (physical and emotional).
By the way, my community service project is an organization for cancer awareness. If I do go into Medicine, I will either become a plastic surgeon or a caner doctor and researcher.
My grandparents are also not doing that well either. (My aunt is single and lives with them)
They have all sorts of disease – diabetes, hypertension, etc… and now they have emotional problems coz of my aunt and the messed up life they’ve got…
I really don’t want at any time to hear over the phone or online (from my family or so) that some relative of mine from my extended family is lost or so. I can NEVER handle this! I am so scared of death! And now I am away from home, so I am not really up to date with all that’s happening… I can NEVER be ready to handle such news..
I’d probably commit suicide (I’ve thought about it before, very often!)
I am not scared of me dying – I’d welcome it with peace. I am scared of losing someone I really care about so much! (someone from my family for example, God forbid!)
I really prefer dying myself instead of hearing such news. I know it’s selfish to feel that way because then it means that I do not want myself to suffer from the loss of someone important to me but am OK with others (the ones close to me) suffering from losing me.
I HATE DEATH! Who doesn’t anyway…
I also pray that my father gets better – he has some sort of flu… my Mom said.
Yeah, Mommy keeps on telling me all sorts of news over msn, good or bad – doesn’t really matter
Pray with me for my aunt, please!
I hate death!