Friday, February 26, 2010

I am out to more people than I actually think… and Priscilla!

Hey Guys!

I hope you’ve all planned some fun and/or chillaxing stuff for this weekend.

How am I doing? F-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-e-d!!
I am trying to plan a once-in-a-lifetime trip for the upcoming Spring/Easter Holiday but things are not going as well as I hoped they would. Well, both my parents and my school gave me consent to travel for a few days but destiny is opposing me… sob, sob. Neither my parents’ credit card nor mine is accepting to purchase my flight online. I cannot wait for some third party's help because I’d lose my booking and this was the last good deal I could dream of…
I want to jump in anger, scream, shout and cry!!! :(

Anyway, back to my title...
YES! I just realized that I am out to more people than I actually think. And these people are my teachers at school, especially those who used to be close friends with my gay former teacher (let’s use the acronym GFT for him).

So, let’s count together who amongst them knows or at least seriously suspects my non-hetereosexuality:

My gay former teacher – duh!

My advisor – duh, again!

My previous Leadership Teacher: She’s narrow minded by the way – but has seen me once in my gay former teacher’s car, parked at the side of the road, talking and talking to him and then hugging him. Well, why else would I be talking to him (somehow in secrecy), even after he’s no longer teaching at my school?

My English teacher: She’s like my GFT’s best friend. She knows that I used to be so close to GFT and clearly denotes my metrosexuality and sensitivity. She’s the one who said ‘Woohoo!’ when I told her that I am sending my ignorance/homosexuality essay, without having it anonymous.

My College Counsellor: She once, arranged for me to see my GFT in secret and left me and him alone at her house and at the mall. By the way she’s VERY liberal and I saw on her facebook that she’s fan of the group advocating for GLBT’s rights – she’s hetero though lol
I behave myself in front of her – as in, I do reflect on my artsy attitude and sensitivity, and even my opinion towards tings that fully masculine machos shouldn’t be speaking about.

My former English teacher: She knows that I am very close to my GFT and has tried so hard to arrange for me to meet him outside school after he left. She’s also very close to him.

Some random English teacher: This one does not teach me but she shares her house with my college counsellor and also helped out with my secret meeting with my GFT.

Well, if they know I desperately need to get in touch with my GFT and agree to help me out; they defnitely suspect that I am gay like him and am in need of his assistance and advice… Right?
(by the way, I am like the only student who’s kept this much in touch with him – to be expected lol)

Finally, my former History teacher: Now this one is interesting. She also DOES know that I am super close to my GFT. What’s interesting is that my GFT asked her to lend me a movie she has. Guess what it turned out to be….
Well, it is: “The adventures of PRISCILLA, Queen of the Desert” She gave it to me yesterday and am hoping to watch it tomorrow – if my roommate leaves the room so he doesn’t ask me what am I watching, bla bla bla…

Have you guys watched that movie? If you did, what do you think of it?
I am excited to play it – it’s like my first non-hetero movie ;)

Anyway, I am punished tomorrow night – have to spend the evening in the library because I missed some school presentation. Fuck them! Lol
(it’s not like I’d have done something more fun on Saturday evening, instead)
As you know;  
NO girlfriend 
NO social life 
Lonely Saturday night in the dorms

Random facts of the day:

1. Mike used some red marker and my correction fluid during class today as nail polish. Then he started behaving fem-like and joking around. Some students were offended saying: “That’s so gay!!” I was around him so I kept on replying to them: “It’s not gay, it’s fem” lol (I don’t even know what I meant)

2. I played Frisbee under the rain (and did not get sick…. Yet)

3. I am chatting to Drama Queen and she just told me that some friends told her that I'll turn out to be gay; but she tells them "No, he like gals!" I am pissed... I dunno how to react or what to say.. let's see what the conversation leads to...

4. I am so bored, yet I have loads of school work to do.

Anyway… I am glad you’re around and thanks a lot for reading my long boring posts…
Please stick around and share with me your thoughts or whatever comes on mind. I need entertainment lol

(And please pray for me/wish me luck in being able to book my flight and nicely arrange that trip)
I am upset and frustrated about it, right now! :(



scottiestoybox said...

I wonder why the cards are not working? Hey if you don't get those seats can't you use another online discount site and get tickets?

The Drama queen seems like she is just trying to draw you out. Those that don't like you will say what they want against you no matter what the truth will be, so even if you came out , that will never change.

You do need a break from there, you have been cooped up with the same people way to long.

Best wishes, hold it together for a few more months.


wayner said...

Hmm, Sam, can't you contact your parents about booking this flight? If their's and your credit cards are maxed out it might be best to be financially prudent.
-I think your GFT is hot for you; might as well have sex and get it over with!
-Why are these people so eager to put a label on you? Sounds rather presumptious. Shortly after retiring, I worked a few years at a call center and there was a nice young slim clean-cut guy there who had all the stereotypical homosexual attributes, from speech to actions. I just assumed he was gay. A fellow worker told me his wife was expecting their fifth child! So much for effeminate attributes. Guys don't like to feel insecure about their masculinity; that's why I don't like the 'gay' word. If I were to confide in a guy, I would say I'm a same-sex guy, or talk about 'male sex', open-mindedness etc. Mike putting red on his nails? I think you better zero in on this guy, Sam! Maybe see what he is doing Saturday night? I always thought a bit of under-stated fem from a homosexual guy is kind of hot; very sweet. Maybe get out of your room and circulate Saturday night; see what's up.
-Anyway, get that schoolwork done; that's the top priority! And never blow your load in the morning; keep horny for the day's possibilities! lol - Wayne

Eye said...

lotsa things:
-I played frisbee yesterday
-It's scary how many people know stuff about you without you knowing!
-never seen that movie
-I think what the Drama Queen is sweet, I mean it doesnt strike me as homophobic but who would just tell someone else their friend is gay if they dont really know
-I actually do get the fem thing
-GL with arranging your trip :D

Daemon said...

I liked the movie and it also was one of the first "gay" films I ever rented. I was so nervous checking it

Even as a really butch guy, I can enjoy a good camp film. This movie struck alot of responsive chords with me and made me feel that maybe for the first time, as a kid, that I was not so alone.

Peace and love to you man. Enjoy the trip and stay safe!


PS: Love the energy...your blog always makes me smile. Keep writing!

CoolCharlie said...

Hej Sam!
Quick comment... rainbows again... awwwww!

PRISCILLA, Queen of the Desert is an awesome movie!... I've like seen it a dozen times... I'm a closet ABBA fan! hehe! And Guy Pearce is like yum!

Bored = Email Brah!

If my like timing is right you should be getting this like at library detension... hehe

Hey... no girlfriend = yes boyfirend... think about it!

Love Charlie xx&oo

Sam said...

@ Scottie:
Drama Queen told me that she knows I am not gay - and that I cannot be!! lol
It was a very interesting conversation, I must admit

@ Wayne:
haha - if I follow ur advice, I'll be f***in almost all day long and anyone I find cool lol (kdg)
I was not productive at all today! FML!!!
I HATE Labels by the way

@ Eye:
Drama Queen IS homophobic though! She says its a waste of manliness and doesnt pretty fancy it
Thanks for the good wish! It worked

@ Daemon:
Thanks a lot man!! I am flattered! :)
Have I told you before that your name is sexy n super cool?
Love ya!

@ Charlie:
I feel that rainbow colors make my post more easy to read and follow - and a bit more oulik lol
you got timing right

No Girlfriend = Yes Boyfriend
This is an invalid mathematical equation coz it does not have s solution in the real numbers' domain... sob sob

B. said...

Well, I can see that you are only out to teachers...

Why not try to come out to some friends, fir example, that best guy friend, he seems like really nice person. It's nice when you have to talk to someone, well, I'm for now only out to one friend and it really made our friendship to be amazing. She's so supportive, even though I know that she doesn't like my "other" side so much, she even told me that. We are very open to each other and talk like anything which comes to our mind... I love her so much, man!!! See it's amazing feeling :D

B. said...

And I have never watched that movie, but I watched a lot of non-hetero film, so I can give you some advices considering movies... THere is a lot of amazing LGBT movies around there... Send me mail, so we can talk more on that subject, I would really like to hear your opinion on some of them...

Sam said...

I am not out to my teachers by choice; it's more like they are aware of it but never had to like tell them explicitly. bleh!

I am happy you (B) have her! She's definitely really cool :)

Since I am at boarding school, I cannot really go rent movies of my choice and watch them.. it sucks!
But sill, share with me the non-hetero movies you like. I can see their trailers on youtube lol
YEAH! I am hopeless, just like that!

B. said...

I watched Brokeback Mountain (of course :P), then I watched Shelter, Poster Boy, Shortbus (well, this one is like some soft porn, but it was nice) and I can recommend you Dante's Cove, this is TV Show with gay related stuff... You can go (but be careful cause of all that controlling in your school) at, they have a lot of movies, and here is TV with LGBT related things