Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Does he know I am gay or bi?


Hey Good people!

I am just gonna talk now about random stuff (each different topic in a color). Yeah, kinda rambling. Bear with me, please! lol

Firstly, I failed the last Chemistry test! That was a first. I have never ever before gotten a mark below average (below a B, actually lol). I guess there’s always a first time.
I hate chemistry! I wish I never deal with it after high school. But Man! I am probably gonna do some pre-med in college so Chemistry will still haunt me! ;(

I submitted my article for the school online journal; the one I talked in it about ignorance and took the example of homosexuality to illustrate my points. (I could email it to you, if you’d ask). My teacher asked me if I’d like it to be published ‘anonymous’ so I said NO! She replied: ‘Woohoo!”. Should I be worried?

My current best guy friend (let’s call him Mike) has edited that essay for me. I kept going on and on to him about how it pisses me off to hear offensive comments made about homosexuality and how much this article speak about me. He didn’t ask anything. Does this mean he knows or suspects I am gay or bi? I also told him about my current fascination with Adam Lambert and made him listen to his songs… He was like: “It’s obvious that he’s gay” but he said it in a neutral, joking way. By the way, he’s really respectful towards “different people”. He told me once that his aunt (with whom he lives) is bisexual. I wish it’s a hereditary thing. lol He’s really cute, fit, intelligent, caring, fun, etc. I care so much about him and love being there for him whenever possible. I hope I don’t fall in love with him. He often comes to my room and when it’s late he’d be sleepy and then dozes off next to me or like on my arms. He’s adorable! I make sure I don’t wake him up purposefully. He’s been going on and off with some girl friend. He just told me that they broke up for good now. I feel like coming out to him… I think he’d be very supportive or more like: “Oh, cool!” and then move on and change the topic.

Anyway, I am getting so much attached to blogging. It’s like whenever I go, I am always thinking about some online friend(s) and other bloggers and wondering when can I have time to check other people’s blog, post something and get in touch with a fellow blogger…
I am becoming so dependent, and am no longer feeling the need to work much on my real social life – at school for instance. Fellow students say they barely see me around. It’s basically coz I have loads of work to do + I prefer talking to my online friends or blogging instead of having to suffer in real life by being nice and trying to make friends. I only find time to my 4-5 good friends at school; the others only get a ‘Hi, wassup?’ and ‘Bye’ from moi.
Is this unhealthy?

Besides, school is still killing me. I had like a Maths test yesterday and a History presentation today. They both went well! Thank you Lord! : )
I know it seems like I am always writing exams and shit like that. Trust me, if you don’t know my school system, you know nothing! :P

I have school mocks coming up soon (8-19 March) and I have to start preparing. But I am very bored and sick of studying! Nothing is entertaining and I have kinda lost my motivation to work. I know I’ll kill myself to be ready. Bleh! F*** school work!

I hope life is treating you well!
Thanks to all those who commented on my previous posts. Your opinions and thoughts are very highly appreciated!
A very warm welcome to the new followers!
You rock my world! ;)

Tight Hug!
Sam

23 comments:

Daemon said...

Love reading your blog, man! Glad to hear you have a good friend. Time tells all things...

Get some studying in and concentrate a bit more on real life, eh? We can wait until you get back. :)

Take care,

Daemon

tman said...
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wayner said...

Hi Sam; I never liked chemistry either, but do what you must to pass it.
-And 'Mike' who is sweet and comes into your room late and falls asleep in your arms! Wow. What do you need, a baseball bat over the head? lol And this guy is on and off with girls? You've been dropping some homosexual hints and he doesn't seem offended. Hmmm, this could go somewhere. Don't say the 'gay' word to him (effeminate connotations); maybe 'open-mindedness', hot male sex, bisexuality, etc. Don't let a little competition from girls discourage you. Or maybe its nothing wtf. Or maybe some of these gay/bi guys just can't maintain the cloak much longer!
-Yeah, I remember; Doing all that schoolwork is tough when you are young, especially when there is so much fun to be had, but organize your time so your work gets done and maybe there is an hour or so for r&r. John Doe is fighting with his mother so I must check on the soap opera later on! lol -Wayne :)

wayner said...

@tman; love your story; its the classic 'straight' guy who is doing gay sex but 'I really like girls'. Yeah, right; I've definitely been there. Sex sure is confusing.(because people refuse to be honest with themselves!)- Wayne

Manu said...

hey S :)

mmm maybe your friend likes you in more than a friendly way :p I hope he does so you can have a real someone to talk, even if that means not more blogging as often, but whatever make you happy :)

whatever, I'm on vacations :D hehe

the only bad thing about it is I can't be near my "C" *sigh*

Sam said...

@ Daemon:
Thanks a lot man! I am glad I am not as boring as I think

@ Tman:
Wow! Thanks for sharing this story; please always comment and write all that comes to your mind. I really enjoy reading what you have to say. So you're letting the suspense take the lead, eh? lol
I hope I live such an experience one day - soon, if possible :P

@ Wayner:
Thank you :)
This is a great advice -- I'll try not to seem fem to him; I know he wouldn't like it. Man! my gaydar is telling me that he's not into boys... (though he does say it if he finds a guy 'good looking')
I'll just keep up our friendship - I love him too much as a friend.

@ Manu:
Nah! I don't think he like me in that sort of way. He probably just enjoys how nice I am to him lol
I envy you, man! (for the holiday) I hope you get to meet your "C" though

Lemme go do some school work now lol

tman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sam said...

Tman! You're the Man! ;)

I am 18, turning 19 soon, Man!
(check my profile description)
so I wouldn't get offended. Plus, age is not a good measure for one's maturity, I believe. (I've always felt I am older than how many candles I blew on my B'day cake lol)

So yeah, please feel free to write down anything you've got on mind. Remember, Openness and Honesty are my core values, so-to-speak. So I appreciate any comment :)

Same apply to all other online friends :)

tman said...

OK then, Sam, I checked your profile... you asked for it... tomorrow should be hot around here; I've gotta go find some plastic or something to protect my laptop from excess moisture during tomorrow's post...lol see ya then!! luv<3 tman

Sam said...

haha...
Looking forward.

I hope you're feeling better!
xoxo

wayner said...

@tman; I can hardly wait - Wayne :) and Sam needs a little corrupting.lol

Old Midhurstian said...

Hey Sam
Wow, that was quite a bit to read :)

Bad luck on the chemistry test don't get too down about it.

This business with your friend. I wouldn't start drawing any really big conclusions just yet, this could be a very gentle come on, it could a really nice way of saying that he knows you're gay/bi and doesn't see why that should hurt the friendship or it could simply be that he genuinely has no prejudice and feels he needs you to know that. WWithout knowing him I couldn't begin to suggest what's going on but be careful about obsessing over it.

I really would love to read your article if you feel like sending me a copy.

Take care of yourself and be happy
Love
Mac

Eye said...

I dont think you can tell if he knows just based on those little details. You can tell he's definetly not homophobic tho :P

Good luck with all the school work ;) you can always use that

tman said...
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scottiestoybox said...

Hello Sam. I agree 100 percent with Mac on this. Remember you are in a boarding school. That changes some of the regular behavior rules. It could be this boy feels like you are his brother he misses. In any case you are best to go slow, and really get to know each other. That information will give you what you need to make your next decision.
Best wishes, and warm thoughts,
Scottie

CoolCharlie said...

tman... you tease... I've waked early just to check Sam's blog for like your part 2... You should write my friend your visualisation is like awesome... I felt like I was actually like there!

I'm like gonna be hard all day thinking of Curtis (and the rope)... hope you don't mind sharing him...hehe

Sam, Hope the rave to tman was like cool... But this post of yours is like one of your best too...

It’s like a rainbow... hehe

But failing chem.... what gives... fuckin below average... you... never!... hehe I have the solution we should like both go befuck and run away and like go to like Art School! Lolz... better still we both go to UCT Fine Art School! Hehe!

E has like been doing some pastel art... it’s cool... and he wants me to like do some!

So how much like grovelling do i have to do to like get a copy of the article!.... mmmmm :)

By the way I’ve got a line for you!!!... I used this on one of my friends yesterday!... Remember the work gay, here is like used all the time to describe everything. And from moi it is like everything that is like kief!... haha So the line went... So E, hope me be being so gay doesn’t like piss you off!... Like wow the reply was like.... yeah... Charlie one tired, but very happy stroppy MF brah!

Oh and how cute... how fit... and is Wayner ever gonna be like proud of ya! Hehe

I hope you’re ready for a spike in like visitors, cause you’re like blogging is like getting way better! But don’t like give up on the reallies!... But I do know what you like mean... On line friends are like so much more cooler and hot, ah Joshy! Hehe

Think I’ll like go re-read tman’s comment... so hard... all day... hehe

Love Charlie
Xx&oo

tman said...
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wayner said...

Geez, tman, life must have been all downhill after that! You're going to have Sammy raping poor 'Mike' after reading this. Hmm, Chevy ss and Firebird; early 70's I'm guessing. Fond memories. Sam, I left a story about Doug about a week ago on John Doe's blog you might also find interesting. Don't ask about 'Lindsay and the vacuum cleaner' lol - Wayne

tman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wayner said...

@tman; that's the worst thing about love; losing it. But still better than never having it at all. Just have to find it again. Never know when or where. - Wayne

Sam said...

@ Eye:
You're right, man! Thanks for the wishes

@ Mac and Scottie:
Thanks a lot for the advice! I will follow them! I am not looking into anything much beside a good friendship with him, for now and for all...

@ Charlie:
LOL; will email you

@ Wayne:
Thanks for being around :)
I did need some corruption, eh? lol


@ Tman:
Thanks man for sharing!
I am sorry for the way things went, man. I am sure he thought of you in the last moments. He misses you too, of course!

B. said...

I also hate Chemistry... so I understand about your worrying, and don't worry about your marks, you'll be better next time, you'll see... and soon the graduation is over, so it means that you can leave Chemistry behind you if you choose to apply for something which doesn't have chemistry involved :) but if you want medicine, well, you'll have it... But... If you try to love some things, you will succeed but only to some point...

I would like to get your essay... So, please email it to me (you have my mail) :P

Lol, I would say that your best friend is suspectiong something, that's why he doesn't probably ask you anything and well, it's not so usual for some completaly straight guy to write and talk about gay themed stuff and to be fascinated with Adam :)... That's why I never talk on that subject with anyone who doesn't know about me :)

But, see, your friend understands, so that's why he doesn't ask you directly and that stuff, so I think that you don't need to worry about that friend, and think more about coming out to him, he sound like nice guy.

Sam said...

@ B:
Man, you're right! I really think Mike is aware and that's why he has not directly asked or so... I wonder if he'd ever ask or hint at it lol

Clearly, he's super hetero :(

I so wish I can get rid of Chemistry!
(I just emailed you) :)