Tuesday, January 26, 2010

ups and downs

Hello People!

So I am extremely busy these weeks with school stuff. I have mocks coming out soon and my school likes us to have mocks for the mocks; if you get what I mean- basically they wanna make us wok our asses out so we achieve the highest possible scores for, of course, reputation lol BS

Anyway, my weekend was interesting.
Although I put down on my agenda that I gotta do some serious studying; I could barely do 1/4 of the stuff I had planned. I was so down on Saturday coz I remembered how crappy of a life people can make me have if I do come out, especially at my narrow-minded school. I really want to be straight!!!! I told myself in pain...  life would have been much easier!! I have a lot to work on in terms of self-acceptance... I understand that I am going through very normal phases and I will give myself time and patience...

So then, I was sitting and talking with one of my very good girl friends (Karen) who was telling me about her bf breaking up with her.... And then she sensed that am not feeling well so begged me to tell her what's up... she said she'd understand no matter how weird the thing is but I did not tell her anything... Well, 5 minutes before then, she made a random joke about lesbians and gays (and I had to laugh about it to scatter any though she'd have--- I felt bad about myself later on; It was like I was kinda laughing at myself, deep down )
so how am I supposed to dare talking to her??

But then, we changed topics and went to the school's auditorium to watch a comedy show -Russel Peter. It  was hilarious, yet it was the first time I get to know him - I am so behind, I know. I got to cheer up a bit and forget about my worries for a while.

The second day I went to the mall with Mary. I hoped we'd stroll alone and talk but then some other friends joined us for lunch and for the movie. We watched "Brothers". I think I like it and dislike it in the same time. Well, it definitely has a good message towards the American politics but bleh... it was not that exciting as a movie.

Mary is quite a loner by choice, by the way. So for example, I always have to go for her and get in her way for us to walk together and talk. She prefers staying in her room (at boarding school) most of the time.... I know she does care about me.

But then, when we do get together we talk a lot, about a lot of things... But it's almost always about her... She kinda has some issues with her ex (still madly in love with him) and other guys from home... plus college stuff and academic complaints. So I try to give her my opinion towards things and advise her. She appreciates it, I think. I do not talk much about myseff to her coz I still wanna make sure that our friendship lies on strong base.

I love talking to her; as in I really enjoy it, and I don't fell bad nor used coz we talk about her more than me. She's so cute and adorable.... very baby-like and ridiculously cute!!!

Enough about Mary for now.
Basically that's what's been up...

This week, I am so so busy with school. I have 2 exams (chemistry and maths) (mock for the mock lol) plus gotta prepare for the board meeting of my community service project (an NGO-like)

Will keep you posted!

Best wishes,


Scottie said...

Hello Sam M. I am new to your blog, but enjoyed reading your post.

Sam said...

Thank you man!! I am very glad you're around. Hope we become friends!!
Take Care!!

B. said...

Are you sure we are not the same person :)