Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A little about me, to begin with

Hello All,

And Welcome to my blog…

I have been following some blogs for a while now and have been inspired to start writing my own.

I don’t know where to start from so I will write down some little info about me and then hope to make myself (and my personality) stand out more clearly through my posts and diaries.

A little about me:
I am 18 years old and I come from a somehow conservative society
My family is religious – Christian and so am I.
I live in a boarding school abroad (away from home and family)
I am going to college next academic year, hopefully to a US college

I am not so sure about my sexual identity… Now, I believe I am gay (or slightly bisexual) for various reasons that stood out to me: I never had any serious relationship with a girl (though I had very many crushes/flings over the opposite sex), I find some guys very cute/hot/handsome and do fantasize about them, I am not sexually attracted to girls...
OK, let me rephrase it. I strongly believe I am gay (although, I am still in that phase of denial, when it is hard to admit the reality for reasons you can obviously understand. I am sure you know what I mean)
I haven’t come out to anyone due to the fact that firstly I have to fully come out to myself. This past December holiday, I did quite a lot of reading and research about homosexuality and it was very enriching and enlightening. I think I am ready, at least, to talk about what I am going through with a close friend. I wonder when this will happen (hope soon).
Oh, however, there is someone who knows about this. He’s a former teacher (around 35 yo) at my school who is also homosexual. I knew he is gay since the first day I met him at school (I guess I have some strong gaydar skills lol) but never dared to talk with him about that. He came out to the student body one day so I took this opportunity to ask him for a talk… He has always been friendly and lovely so it was not that hard talking to him. I should admit that after I talked to him I felt so good and happy although I was skeptical while talking and was carefully choosing the words I used (so that I come along as straight curious and not as totally gay). We scheduled a meeting off campus some time later (when he was not working at my school anymore – though we kept in touch via emails/phone calls). During that meeting, I talked more freely and gave more facts that clearly show how gay I am. My teacher told me that he has always sensed that I am gay (and he was the one who told me about gaydar lol). I am glad I have him in my life… there is no one else for me to talk to at the moment about what I am going through. My parents/siblings: never! My friends… it is a bit complicated (will tell you why in the posts to come).
I think this is enough writing for now…

Wow, I feel good!! There are more people who know about me now. It is no longer my former teacher only. It’s you too!!! 

Please ask (via comments or emails) for any additional piece of information
I hope I haven’t bored you

Yours,
Sam

6 comments:

Dzyan said...

Wee, writing backwards is fun!!! though might take a time for me to get used to it.
Just wanted to welcome you to the Blogging society and want to wish you all the luck and hope you get to vent up all your thoughts and feelings. Hope it helps you in finding out who you are, and even getting a few friends along the way.

P.S. Now which one is the publish button??

Sam said...

Thank you very much!!
I really appreciate all your wishes and thanks for following my blog...

Hope we become good friends

PS: I am sorry for the messed up blog features, will try to fix it with time...

Dzyan said...

What you talking about? I loved the old template :P the part where it was all in Arab was a bit disconcerting but was fun, good to see you´ve got many followers now so keep on writing or they´ll go away :) Best wisher.

Love
Me

Sam said...

haha.. it was fun??
more like annoyingly fun, perhaps.

Thanks to all my followers. I shall remain posting and checking your blogs!! Love ya

B. said...

Amazing first post... You're wonderful... :) I wish you all the luck in finding yourself, and that's why we are here, to help you through that journey a bit, and because everything is anonymous, it's the most amazing part...

OK, I'm off to read more of your blog :P
P.S. If you even need to talk about coming out to parents, I'll be more than glad to hear you out, cause I also have that problem with my too much conservative parents, and I would like to exchange the experience and feelings...

Sam said...

Thank you B!!
I really appreciate the fact that you went through all my posts... YOU're wonderful!!

I'd love us to become friends...