Thursday, January 21, 2010

It's weird but I like it!

Hello Dearest People!

I am so excited!! I have 9 followers now!!!! Thank you all for being here! :)
So for the past days (especially after I have gotten this blog) I feel really good about myself and my sexual identity...
As in, I think I am on the right track of accepting myself for who I am.
I no longer feel as if I have something to hide although I have not come out to anyone yet (and will not do so any soon). I just feel good coz I am in the process of coming out to myself...
I am not thinking about how wrong I used to think I am and what my religion/family/friends would think of me... I don't know why this is happening but I am not complaining for now lol
I know this whole crap will get back to me sooner than I think but for now I am feeling overall good about myself!!!! and wanted you to know this.

But still, I know you will say I am stupid and all that but I will tell you anyway:
I cannot figure out whether I am Bi or totally gay..
As in how can I know? I know I have the answer within me somewhere but I cannot find it in the time being.
I will tell you more about why I am confused about that in a later post...
For now I can tell you that I feel sexually attracted to men and emotionally attracted to women (if you know what I mean)
I cannot wait until I'll be able to post about my final decision when I make up my mind or rather know myself better!!!

On a side note, I am doing OK in general. My school is still making me work like an animal but it will be over soon... I chose to go to this school and be academically and socially challenged. So I have to bear with the consequences.
I have no plans for the weekend but to catch up on my school work (coz I have been very lazy during the week), sleep for a descent amount of time and catch up with some friends.

Hope you are all doing well!!



southern said...

Sam nothing in life is black or white - there are many degrees of grey in between and in your life you work out what shade of grey you lean towards. Life is a journey of discovery.
Regards Stef.

ps Thanks for the friend request - at the moment I can neither send or recieve emails and hope that the problem will be fixed early next week so I will try to respond as soon the problem is resolved.

Tim in Italy said...

Well... you're not laying pipe here, ya know? I think that if we were all honest and unencumbered with the terrible fashion of our minds and the societies in which we live, we'd all realize that we are simply loving beings and go from there.

Hopefully, there will be no grand epiphanies and you will be free to follow your heart wherever it might lead you. If you're courageous enough for that, of course.

Octavius said...

Sounds like you are on the right track mate..., will be interesting to see how this unfolds.

Courage and Honour!


Sam said...

Thank you Buddies for your encouragement! I shall be strong and keep your advice in mind!

Will let you know how things evolve!!
Hope you're doing great!

B. said...

"For now I can tell you that I feel sexually attracted to men and emotionally attracted to women (if you know what I mean)"

OMG!!! I love this sentence from above. You're reading my mind, I experienced all that you are experiencing now... Why didn't you start your blog only one year earlier, so we could go through this together... :)

B. said...

And why didn't I met you earlier...

wayner said...

If you are sexually attracted to men, but emotionally attracted to women, you are homosexual. Period. You just have to find the guy who is emotionally attractive to you. Yes, some homosexuals are butch lumberjacks, some are beer-guzzling slobs. But all those buff, sensitve, intelligent and emotional gays who are out there and you can't find one you are emotionally attracted to? There is a big plus to coming out; you don't have to deceive women and you can be comfortable around them and enjoy their company. But if your sexual urge is for males, you are definitely homosexual; liking women emotionally or enjoying their company does not make you hetero or 'bi'. Too many young homosexuals today are calling themselves 'bi' because they like women emotionally. They get married and have a family. Then comes the inevitable and very expensive divorce in middle age when they finally stop denying the truth. I speak from experience. I tried a relationship in my early twenties with a girl (including sex) for 3 years just to 'make sure'; big mistake! The sexual passion just wasn't there. I felt very guilty for the deception. There are perks to being homosexual. Probably more exciting than the straight life. Women are insanely jealous and protective of their men and keep a tight leash. Many hetero men envy and resent the relative freedom that homosexual men have.(and that includes sex!) The grass is not always greener on the other side. But when you say you are sexually attracted to men, not women, that is a revelation indeed. I have always loved being homosexual; it is the attitude of bigots in society that I hate. People call you Sam, a biblical name; nice! You know the old saying; 'first, be true to yourself'; please consider this and don't make the mistake of going down the road of denial. - your friend, Wayne

- and get rid of that garbage can! lol