Friday, January 29, 2010

I am driven by my head, not my dick head!

Hi guys!

Ok so the reason for having such a title is the narrow mindedness of the people I live with (i.e. my school mates). Whenever they see some guy hanging out with some girl for long time and on several days, they start wondering if the person is hitting on her. I’ve had enough of this, especially because most of my close friends are chicks - good looking ones ; )

It doesn’t upset me much but it simply bugs me to know that such superficial people still exist in today’s world – worse than that; I am living with such people 24/7!!!
So a guy friend came to my room for a chit chat today and asked me, out of nowhere, how Mary and I are doing… I was like: “wth? What do u mean?” He referred to whether I am hitting on her and if anything is about to happen between us any soon (going out or so)

So my direct response to him was: “Man! I am driven by my head not my dick head!”
After I thought again about what I told him I realized that this is quite true about me...

Well, I do talk quite pervily with my good friends and all but that’s simply coz I am mischievous and enjoy making people laugh (at me, at what I say, or at a joke I throw; doesn’t matter) But beside that, I have always managed to control my hormone levels really well. lol
I am naughty in speaking but not as much in acting… (probably coz of circumstance?) I really don’t know…

I was wondering if there’s something wrong with me because all guys around me are always talking about girls, dating, making out…. Blah bla blah… I do join them in those talks and find myself kinda forced to go with the flow…. When in Rome do as Romans do, I guess

But seriously, why am I so driven by my head and not my dick head? (sorry for my language lol)

I care about talking and listening to the person I am with and not only holding their hands and pretending I am listening…
I do love getting intimate and all with someone I love and care about (doesn’t matter if it’s a he or a she but I have so far done it with girls only) but I can really do well without it…

Basically I don’t feel the urge to have this much intimacy in my life for now. My advisor told me it’s because I am still trying to find out who I am and probably coz my confusion is binding my feelings and probably – my hormones lol

(I so wish I can have a nice tight hug now, though!)


I hope my post was somehow entertaining...


Have a great weekend, great people!
Sam

10 comments:

Scottie said...

Your post was great and yes, you are normal. Even for some one your age. Look everyone has a different level of need. Plus it depends on the situation. What is going on, where you are, who you are with, that all changes what kind of intimacy you want, need, and are up for.

It is different for everyone. Also it is easy to talk sex, but harder to actually put all the pieces together to make it work for both parties.

That you want to be hugged and snuggled makes you very human. It also will make your future lover very happy.

Good for you!

Be well, be happy, and *hugs*
Scottie

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm an old homosexual guy and let me tell it to you straight; you can put your brain in denial all you want, but your dick knows what it likes. If your dick likes guys then you are homosexual, even if your brain enjoys the company of girls. You are also not 'bi' if you enjoy talking to girls. When I was young I tried going with a girl just to 'make sure' (big mistake!), but the sex was just mechanical; the passion wasn't there like it was with guys. Too many young homosexuals today are taking the easy way out and claiming to be 'bi', deceiving both women and homosexuals. Gimme a break! Your dick is not confused.-Wayne

Sam said...

Thank you Guys!

@ Wayne:
"Too many young homosexuals today are taking the easy way out and claiming to be 'bi', deceiving both women and homosexuals."
I totally get your point. Man, that's why I am not claiming to be anything thus far. I am confused. I am being patient. I am giving myself time... as possible. As I said, my circumstances are very unique and do not allow me to experiment much in the time being. I know experimenting is not always needed to find out but I am seriously confused. But soon, things will change.

I don't really think bi is that of an easy way. I respect all people from all backgrounds and respect their decisions. I agree that some might find it easier to say they're bi instead of gay while they know they aren't but this does not mean that bi feelings are nonexistent or that all bi people are fake.
Hence, all I want for now is to NOT label myself. I want to be firm about my decision when I make it. I am sure you understand me. Thanks a lot for sharing your personal experience and commenting. :)

Best,
Sam

southern said...

Sam life is a journey of discovery not labels - you are Sam.
Regards Stef.

Sam said...

Thank you buddy! It means a lot!
Sam

alex said...

There are people who have married, had children, have raised their children, and then discover they are gay, hopefully you do not take so long. The question is that some people seem to know that they are gay and accept it as early as age 9 and others it takes longer to find answers, progress at your own pace as you have been doing, without getting etiquetes, and experience teach you.

alex said...

PD: Love the picture.

Sam said...

Thank you Alex! I hope I achieve self-acceptance soon!
Take Care!
Sam

B. said...

Your posts are amazing! ;)
I also live in a REALLY narrow-minded environment and plus it's homophobic :( and I hate when people are jealous and always looking in other people's business and that kind of stuff :(

Sam said...

Thanks B!
One day, we shall conquer it all!! ;)