Monday, January 11, 2010

First day of school and catching up with a very good friend

...Ok so school officially started for the 2nd term and I hate it already lol. Who on earth likes school work? Well, I always manage to get good grades and impress my teachers (well not all of them) but I never ever enjoyed studying… There’s a facebook group that asks whether people have ever realized that studying comes from study and dying! LOL I so agree with this. I sometimes wish I can die and skip all that crappy school work
Anyway, nothing special happened today besides having every teacher reminding us of the amount of work we have and how hard we should work. By the way, I am writing A-Levels (some form of High school official exams n diploma made in UK) in May-June and I have to start revising as soon as possible.
OH, I almost forgot. That Girl Friend (realize these 2 words are separate lol) did get back to me after she saw the gift in her room. She sent me a 2 page letter coz she says she expresses herself better in writing than in person. She did not slap me or throw the gift at me. Thanks GOD! She basically said that she was surprised and that she is still scared of me. She knows she hurt me and said I hurt her too. So I am not her number 1 friend anymore and I should give her time n space n bla bla bla…
I feel good about this. I was the good person at the end. I didn’t really have to do that for her but I did. I don’t regret doing so but am not feeling anything about her letter. I think I am over her. I mean, I am over this friendship. I think I am ready to lose her for good but if she wants me she can always come to me and talk… but I have killed all the feelings I ever had for her. Who! I feel good this has finally happened.

In the evening, I chilled a bit with a very good friend of mine. She was telling me about her adventures at home over the break. She went to many night clubs and danced all over many boys and many boys tried hitting on her and all… but she never went any further (than dirty dancing) with any of them coz she was keeping herself for one guy who was to shy to initiate anything with her before her school break was unfortunately over. She clearly had more fun than me! I wish I could be at some club right now and around boys as cute as the ones she described to me.
I love this girl (in a friendly way) because she’s so open minded, mature, caring and calm… she shares a lot of her life with me but I had not really talked much to her about me. I’ve been basically laying the foundation for our friendship and am glad we’ve reached a stage at which she tells me about almost all she’s going through (especially her romance life.) I think she’ll be the first one I will ever come out to (when I am totally decided and so on). Before then, I am thinking of letting her know that I am confused/curious about my sexuality and seek her advice/help… I wonder when I will be able to trigger that conversation.
I have to go back to my books now; I still haven’t finished that stupid chemistry homework and have some school readings to do.

Love,
Sam

2 comments:

B. said...

I encourage that coming out to that girl(space)friend :), she really sounds like nice person.

That girl really reminds me on May (my best girl friend) and I simply knew that she will understand me and my confusion. She's the only one who knows about me in my public life...

P.S. And as English is not my first language, I always was wondering how do you make difference between girl-friend and friend who is a girl... Now you teach me the difference :D

Sam said...

You're right, man! I do want to come out to her but I don't know how/when/where? I'll just do it when the opportunity comes... I am sure she'll be supportive!

lol about girl-friend...
I'd say female friend or girl (space) friend ;)